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Outside

hunger took the first step

this fast had to be broken,

a chicken burger, fries

and a coke my order

leaning on a plastic table

I wait and watch

 

a woman two tables over

tries to coddle an angry child

her temper harnessed

still throbs at her temple

 

sitting at the counter

an old gent reads his ipad

lifting his head to watch

the unfolding drama

at the next table

 

a young rebel knows it all

chewing his pen starving

for a cigarette, his eyes

touched mine and for a moment

made a connection

an awkward smile later

his head fell down

 

the waitress brings my meal

her demeanor is quiet

eyes show a gentle sadness

I asked for my coke

a whispered sorry

was her reply, I said no hurry

 

slowly consuming my meal

I considered the world

outside my window

happy faces bouncing along

calmly get on with life

 

wouldn’t it be nice to live

in a world where hunger or hatred

were just words in a book

 

considering the world

I had for minutes not thought

of my sadness and sorrow

 

my coke finally arrived

it was time to go home

slowly walking past factories

closed down a lifetime ago

I let myself cry a river

on those gentle flows

I ventured home

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is from my life we have been having hard time, we lost 2 family members a couple of weeks ago its been overwhelming

The other day I went downtown to shop while I was there I decided to have lunch and so this poem was born

I really appreciate your thoughts I look forward to your return with editors pen in hand lol ;)

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

The saddness flows as the writer tries to be at one with the outside again.
Yet knows that the outside is really the same old, same old.
It was good to cry and let the tears wash some of the dust away..
Dust from the years that we all have stored in many places..
You go well and get out more there are things to see that will gladden your soul and give you some need to bless the world you live in,
Yours Ian.T xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This was my way of trying to think of something other than my sadness, It was nice out there in the world for a couple of hours and my meal turned into poetry who would have thought ha !

Thanks for reading and for understanding :)

love always Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

thank you for mirroring my own haunted feelings
you captured an interior that I deny and fear
I have lived those lives, and grieve for those still trapped, perhaps perpetually so
dirty clothes unchosen
fates mysteries
pain of hopeless unfulfillment
the directionless
I have wept on downtown streets, resenting Mercedes Benz
as people step over others for a spa
thank you for remembering

Ida

Thanks for finding a connection with my poem I see the world and its a big wide world of miracles, even in my sadness I always look for the beauty of peace, sometimes I slip into that dark place to purge all the garbage

thanks again for your thoughts I love it when people find a piece of poetry that has meaning for them, even better when its one of mine :)

sincerely Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

changes, but most of us can never reconcile the change with what we wish for. Oh, but for a world that conformed to what we would like for humanity! I'm sure that your world would be much the same as mine and many others. keep dreaming and wishing. love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

wishes and dreams are free and it makes me think there is hope enough to save the world before we truly fuck it up

thanks for the read and your thoughts I will try and catch you on Skype sometime over the weekend

love and higgliest bugs JC xx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

emotions displayed
I saw myself at McDonalds

loved

They say if you can see it, it can be done ;)

love JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

of every day life for most of us. We go to stores and resteraunts and observe those around us. They may be laughing on the outside but their eyes tell a different story. My father calls it "people watching." So many words most of us wish were just that, words, instead of reality. If chronic pain/illness, mental illness, hunger, bigotry, financial strife, were only things found in storybooks, the world would be a happier place. Excellent write and depiction of today's society.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I don't get to people watch enough life has other plans for my time atm, I find poetry in the most unexpected places, Glad you liked this piece I will try and get round tomorrow and read some of your pieces I noticed there is a few to get through lol

take care talk to you soonies

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I have been experimenting with various things, really enjoying the use of the online dictionary/thesauraus to help me create interesting titles and find appropriate words to fit my thoughts. The element of darkness is always there but just appearing in different forms. I don't get to people watch enough either. There doesnt seem to be enough hours in the day between work, kids and life in general to stop and "smell the roses." Writing serves as a method of therapy for me, does the soul good even if no one else reads them. Working on getting these together and published at some point..again..I need a few extra hours..

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Trust me I know what its like bringing up four kids mostly on my own until I met my partner, mine have all got jobs and don't live at home anymore, when they are gone the house becomes quiet I miss the noise of my kids I am always happy when I have heard from my lot they are all over the country and I miss them like hell ... good luck with getting published ! let me know when you have a link to buy a copy

night night I am off to bed

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Pleasant dreams. I will be sad when mine grow up and leave as well. I really do enjoy them and with what little money we do have to spend, I try to make things as fun as possible for them. I want them to have good memories. I encourage their independence and individuality but will definitely be sad when they are grown.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I was sad every time one of mine moved out I am used to it now but I don't have to like it, right now I have my oldest here staying until he can find a smallish place for himself, he was lucky to get work after only a couple of days back at home

the noise comes back and for a few days or weeks, I love every minute of it

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

always left the door open for me. My mother has a light at the top of their stairs that you can see from the outside. She told me as long as that light is on, I can always come home. I am an only child and dread the day when I am all alone. I dont know what I am going to do when I cant pick up the phone and call or randomly stop by and visit. I figure once the kids are grown and my parents have moved on, I will be mostly alone. I just hope they feel like they can always come home, even if it is only to visit.....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Your poem touched me deeply, Jaycee, as I too have lost family members recently. I always maintain that an elder's death is a loss but not a tragedy, although now that I approach my seventies I realise that I have reached the "He had a good innings" stage. You always seem to me to be such a gentle person, with this great talent for expressing the better side of the human condition. Well written, very effective ( and affective)

Love
Ian xxx

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

I am so sorry for your loss we are still coming to terms with our grief 2 family members died a couple of days apart ... So glad you felt a connection with the poem, I don't know where this one came from to be honest

I am a quiet person but I am fiercely protective of my children and my family and friends, mostly we live quietly renovating the house as we can afford it, the kids have all left home except my oldest he's staying here for a couple of weeks while he looks for a flat or unit ...

thank you for your review I really appreciate it

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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