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an offering of sight

Submitted by Seren on Fri, 2023-02-24 10:56

I yearn for sleep
the kind you get
when you wake up
wondering at the day,
when your dreams
are outlandish journeys
that never end

Where your world
is the best of spent youth,
and the exclusion of time
heals the soul that grieves,
at the first deep breath
stars fall into your eyes,
where the ringing phone
is a call from your Mum,
and the knock on the door
is lost family coming home

I long for slumber
to see those I ache for,
to embrace them
with a fantasist's kiss

for knowledge Odin
gave his eye,
for sleep
I offer both

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week February 19th to February 25th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2023-02-24 11:11

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come back later, I am exhausted and need a nap. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Fri, 2023-02-24 11:31

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lol I am so not sure if you're serious or my dreamy poem put you to sleep.

hugs Sis

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Fri, 2023-02-24 18:04

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seriously! I was up far too long last night and needed a nap. I find that I can't stay the course like I used to. Once the fever of
writing dissipates, and the story is told, I can't stay awake. This one of yours had the added benefit of being about sleep, so there ya go. I love the dreaming lines about the knocking at the door being family come to visit. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:18

Seren's picture

I wasn't sure if you were joking or not lol haha

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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lovedly

Fri, 2023-02-24 12:45

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.

Seren

Fri, 2023-02-24 12:42

Seren's picture

Wtaf I don't know where Journies came from, I always capitialise Mum because they all deserve to be so. And I also do it with Dad.

I don't capitialise every line unless its an acostic poem.

Love and hugs Sis

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Candlewitch

Fri, 2023-02-24 13:01

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oh to enter a stream of sleep. it is part of my self-hypnosis when I cannot sleep. I imagine I am gently floating down stream under downy cloud kissed sky's. with the suns rays warm on my limbs and face. I love your poem!

my favorite lines are:

I long for slumber
to see those I ache for,
to embrace them
with a fantasist's kiss

*love, Siscat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:21

Seren's picture

I've never been a good sleeper it seems the longest sleep I've ever had was my coma. Though I can't say I felt rested when I woke up lol

Those lines are so personal and dear to me. They're the prayer I silently pray To see those I've loved and lost once again. The dead and the living...

Love you always Lilbit xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:29

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There is a first time for everything I guess. I don't know why but that was the word that came to mind. Fantasists? I have always thought about old words, I like to include old words every now and then, this isn't a commonly used word lol

Mimir

Odin gained his greatest wisdom from Mimir, a mysterious and ancient being who guarded a well whose waters were the source of all knowledge in the universe. Visiting one day, Odin asked for a drink from this well of knowledge. Mimir refused unless the god offered something of value in return, so Odin gave his right eye I believe it was. That's the reference I am making to Odin.

I don't dream much but when I do they're either nightmares or dreams I wish I could never awake from.

Hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Dalton

Fri, 2023-02-24 15:40

Both touching and elegant mythic yet human espec the central body “and the knock on the door is lost family coming home” you walk a lonely road you’d give up riches the gift of gods for peace of mind. Physically and psychologically when both are desperately in need regards John xxx

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:30

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I'd give anything. And everything.

Thanks for understanding.

Love Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Dalton

Fri, 2023-02-24 15:42

I find audiobooks lure me to sleep practical but effective xxx

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:32

Seren's picture

I do use audio books but they keep me awake if they're a good book but they do occupy the mind when the world's asleep and it seems like you're the only one awake in the world.

Love Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Leslie

Fri, 2023-02-24 18:49

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ALL THAT I HAVE TO SAY IS, WOW!!! PLEASE READ THE ONE THAT I SUBMITTED AND COMMENT. WHATEVER YOU SAY I WELCOME IT. 

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:33

Seren's picture

Thank you so much I did read a recent one of yours not sure if that's the one you are referring to.

Thanks for your kind works they're very much appreciated.

Kind Regards Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2023-02-25 03:54

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I’m quite laden down with Viking DNA. My last name means “Doyle” or “O’Dubghail” meansDark Foreigner. Dublin means dark settlement because that is a Viking city where they camped while raiding and then immigrating from Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. Dublin had it’s own laws and many non Viking citizens of Ireland lived under the rule of the “Danelaw”.

Now let’s get to your poem. It’s really good. Possibly my favorite of yours in recent days. I just love every word and have a deep connection to this. I had some pretty crippling depression a few winters back and I often prayed for sleep and or slept through some days. It seems to me that in my experience, sleep offered some reprieve from my conscious mind and passed the baton to the unconscious. The problem was I wasn’t dealing with things so when I woke up it all just flooded immediately back in.

I’m better now, and I know this isn’t quite your meaning on this one but I connected with it in that way and it reminded me how far I’ve come and how much I’ve worked to achieve a moderate level of overall happiness with my life. Thanks for that reminder!

Tim

Seren

Wed, 2023-03-01 11:46

Seren's picture

It seems like we have something in common, I am full of Viking and Roman DNA from the Neal/Neil, O'Donnell side of my family. There is a DNA project that's being studied by eminent professors and scholars and hundreds and thousands of people from all over the planet have submitted their DNA, it's actually got a video on it on YouTube I'd be happy to find it for you if you're interested. My family has been traced by DNA back as far as early 300AD, I and my Grandfather family have pure white hair which goes golden in the winter. There is one or two of us in every generation. I also have one blue/grey eye and one green eye. So I have a distinctive look. Which hides my heritage from the other side of my family.

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement they're appreciated.

I'm never going to be truly better but managed is a good word for it in my case. I do mindfulness techniques and a kind of meditation but the best therapy for me has been writing my books.

Cheers Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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