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My Night

The peace of the night
it comes to me
as the closeness
of a velvet shawl.

Sliding before my eyes
were light shadows
Colours not seen but felt
Stretching out before me.

I could only feel love
through the coloured light
they were held with my love
as they floated through.

Softness of night held me
I looked with sleepy eyes
at the stars as they danced
high in that ebony sky.

Seeming to whisper things
I needed to hear
but seemed afraid to feel
but this was my time.

Then rose the Moon
to dim this ebony sky
its great face smiled
through the open window.

Nights where it kept watch
over lovers that fell
fell into its dreams
Then drifted away.

Stories of old

These were told by those
that thought it brought them
True love with its glow
of such gentle light.

It shrank as it climbed
there high in the skies
where the stars now dimmed
Afraid to battle with its might.

I thought of this great light
that with love and trust
it portrayed a steadiness
that was needed in my mind.

I tethered my sleep
Least I missed something
It may tell me high above
Where it was watching all.

It slowly dipped from the sky
bowing to the new day
then as the day grew.
I knew what it would bring

Changes of colour
into my open eyes
there it didn’t need to see
Things it held there for me.

I slept for but awhile
Till the sun crept
Out from the shadows
to make my eyes water.

Or so I tell to you
that this was the reason
for the many tears
it was just another day.

Others were abroad
they would keep asking
Far too much of me.
Things of such pain.

I had to answer
as I could feel each moment
of colour from the pain
that racked my brain.

From moving amongst you.
So forgive me if sometimes
I seem so far away
Also if I don’t Smile today.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Just an old jotting.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Beautiful dreamy poem that glides through to an awakening. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Many thank for your comment and I am so glad that the feelings hidden in there reached out and touched your ways.
I am losing touch with Neo as the comments are few and far between, but you have given me hope and the incentive to write and wait awhile,
Yoyrs as always, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

The peace of the night
it comes to me
as the closeness
of a velvet shawl.

just another take in terms of the language

Ex
Peace of the night
mantles me,
intimate, veiled
in a velvet shawl

In search of eloquence and musicality of language
The poem has an implied sensuality about so I ask you
do you think that the language needs to project that, not just in its narrative elements but also in word choice and the elimination of the superfluous ? Does it seem cleaner to the eye?

The words I use are usually from auto writes, the words to me are from something hidden within us all.
I can never remember what I have written like a goldfish once round the bowl and that's it.
I have spent 200 hours speaking to a place I am sure of but to say to others it is a Spirit world asks for critique of a frightened level or just a lack of believing in what you are or going to be..
This answer is part Auto, and part me just like a skizo but I will say I am content to let my thoughts be used by where ever, I have been asked to write about the other side but it is a hard task..
I will write as I always do, and I will dedicate more time, to transposing the tapes I have, and put them on the comp
Thanks for your visit,
Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Just deep appreciation of a timeless piece.
Well done my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Many thanks for your visit, good to see you there and I hope everything is well with you.
Take care, Yoyrs Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Hi Sparrow,
i think you have ten poems in one here like matreshka they hide in one another.
I like the imagery.
I like this image of drifting away lovers:

Nights where it kept watch
over lovers that fell
fell into its dreams
Then drifted away.

I would simplify it a bit though:

Moon kept watch
over lovers that fell
into her dreams
and drifted away.

Do you want to work on the Top Poem idea you suggested awhile ago?
Let's wake up Neopoet, i need your help.

IRiz

I have been here for over 10 years now, I have learnt a great deal but always revert to my own way of writing.
As your writes belong to your hand and I love the freedom it brings..
Mind you I have entered a few workshops and carried out numerous ways of writing.
I always feel that had I been to UNI or some such place I would embrace the classic way of writing more.
I love your inventive freedom..
I have wanted for a long time that Neo makes a poem per month the top, and even second and third in line, then to arrange the publishing of each years top poems in an annual poetry book.
I have entered many of my poems to other places and have been published in around 50 but maybe they were vanity prints lol.
Some of the poets here have been trying for quite a while to have a year book of poetry.
I will assist and work in any way to achieve a publication each year, I had started to collect some great poems but it fell by the wayside.
Come back to me on this nd meanwhile I will check my puter for any ref to what I had done.
Take care of you as you as precious to all here at Neo, Yours as always Ian xx

PS:- I see what you mean about the matreshka dolls they are a fascination and lovely, there are a group of people I now mostly children that, help me write in auto, they need to touch each of us with their love and in doing so they use colours and of course Think, with unconditional love of all things ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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