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Lying In Bed, Just Like Brian Wilson Did

Inhale, ex-hale /heavily and loudly, (Action)
Inhale, exhale /heavily and loudly, (Action)
Inhale, exhale /heavily and loudly, (Action)
Eyes open, eyes shut, eyes open,
open eyes, shut eyes,
eyes open, eyes open, open eyes,
I realize, I surmise, I realize.
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick goes the clock.
The clock ticks, the clock talks, the clock mocks,
the clock talks, the clock mocks.
Inhale, exhale / heavily and loudly, (Action)
Cough (Action)
Inhale, exhale / heavily and loudly (Action)
Groaning sigh (Action)
I stir, I stir, eyes stir, I stir ice,
eyes stir, I stir ice, I stir,
I stir my arm, arm stir, I stir my eyes,
arm stir with my I, arm stir, eyes stir, ice stir,
arm drops, dropping arm, dripping arm,
arm drops, arm drips, arm drops off, arm drips on,
arm drips off the sheet, drops off the bed,
drips, drops, drips, drops,
dripping on the floor,
drips off the sheet, off the bed, drips on the floor,
drops, drips, drops,
dripping on the floor,
drips off the sheet, off the bed, on the floor,
sheet, bed ,floor,
arm drips, arm drops, cough drops,
hack drips, cough drops,
start to rise, rise to start,
rise up, up rise,
rise up, pause, pause, pause,
debate, pause, debate pause,
vertical, horizontal, vertical,
horizontal, horizontal,
diagonal flutter, balance mudder,
mental shudder, shudder mental,
elemental, essential mental, quint essential,
balance stable, vertically able,
balance able, mental label,
stable able, stable label
stumble trial, trial stumble,
able reliable, reliably able,
vertically able, vertically stable,
vertical stability, mobile ability,
ability mobility, mobility agility,
mental stability, agility mobility,
stability mentality, mentality stability,
stability mentality, mentality normality,
normality formality, formality reality,
reality is the key, the keystone,
the stone key, the key to be,
the be to free, the free to be,
the key to be free.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


much of this world is dear to poet dreamers. As crazy lovers of prosody listen In to the quintessence of verse, then a bright and dancing word verve must ignite the mental quixotic sea of dazzling swirling poem-birth.. I recollect the impossible town of my birth and I idolise the veins of our dear and daring poem dead.., May impossible God come home soon because a sea of angels is now eating at my versing vamping poetic honey tree..

Mario Vitale


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