Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Look up
A fruit lies on the ground,
An apple.
Pennsylvania law requires
That these not be used for production of cider
As they used to do.
Its common to encounter conflicts in relationships
And barriers to resolution.
Look up.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-06-08 04:44
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem, "Look Up". Here is some feedback that I hope you will find helpful:
First, I appreciate the contrast you draw between the fallen apple and the law that prohibits its use for cider production. This creates an interesting tension that sets up the theme of conflict and resolution that runs throughout the poem.
However, I think the connection between the apple and the theme of the poem could be made more explicit. As it stands, the apple feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. Perhaps you could explore the idea of the apple as a symbol for the conflicts and barriers in relationships that you mention later in the poem.
Speaking of which, I think the line "Its common to encounter conflicts in relationships" could benefit from some additional detail or imagery. What kinds of conflicts are you referring to? What do they look or feel like? Adding more specificity here could help to ground the poem in a concrete reality.
Finally, I appreciate the way you end the poem with the
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Obadiah Grey
Thu, 2023-06-08 12:03
Well, I'm thankful that the
Well, I'm thankful that the "internal logic" is not consistent!
The piece grants me my own conclusion.
Initial thoughts is "Look up" hints at religion or God.
Or, perhaps sexual preference.
(I don't mind being way off mark, because you graciously left me with choices)
Enjoyed. Obi.
large marge
Fri, 2023-06-09 16:52
Thank you
This is interesting to me, im curious to hear more. I like the idea of looking up to god when relationships arent perfect and how the fallen apple could represent the fall of man and maybe how he makes us whole and uses us despite our flaws (making cider out of fallen apples)? Im not sure about sexuality though. I think what I was trying to say was that sometimes bad things happen in a relationship and you cant really do anything about it or make anything from it but you can look up at the apples still on the tree and at the good things that the relationship still has
author comment