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rock middle

i have had many scrapes with stone

like floating down the surface of a shallow stream

the Marianas Trench has yet to be fully explored

how much liquid can I pour into this abyss,

Before I drown?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I think that your poem is mostly imagery, and the imagery is spectacular. my problem is that I've missed the meaning somehow. I think you could expand the poem to make it more clear as to your point. by the way, it is nice to meet you.

*hugs, Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

This is very helpful. I think the title is confusing too probably, but I mean it to be about the little rock bottoms that people hit in accidtion. like foating on your back down a creek and hitting the rocs that protrude from the bottom, but because you dont drown the pain gets minimized, the addiction goes on, and the addict rationalizes thier addiction as being not that bad, because they havent been deep down into the trench yet. There can be a feeling that a drop is coming soon, that some day the big one will come and will either kill you or finally convince you you have a problem. i guess thts what I was trying to allude to

author comment

now that you have explained the situation, I understand completely. I am a fellow traveler on that path. mine was crystal meth. that was a long time ago. I wish you the very best of luck.

* hugs, Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

i really appreciate that. its a struggle, but knowing other people have been there and understand helps a lot

author comment

Your poem has an eerie feeling, which I love. It was full of imagery that was fascinating. I really liked it. Thanks for sharing.

Love and light. Namaste.

that means a lot

author comment

I was wondering where you got off to. Glad to see that you are back. I think I understand where you are coming from, but I too, would like a little more of an explanation. I'm thinking that you are feeling a bit overwhelmed in these days.
Is the rock that you are carrying just the right size to keep you from going completely under, and not so big that you are dragged to the depths? ~ Geez.
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not a good match for most everyone. How about
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im glad to be here again and to be writing thing that feel important enough to me to go out and get criticism on. i think thats exactly the case with the rock I am carrying. its heavy enough to tire me, to keep me from reaching my full potential, to keep me from getting out of the water. to be blunt, this is a poem about alcoholism and feeling like there hasnt been a rock bottom yet. would 'rock bottom' be a more direct title? would adding more lines about the way it feels to float down the rapids in a creek be a good idea? to talk about the protruding rocks that strike tailbones and bruise thighs? maybe more about exploring the depths and not knowing what youll find down there, or if youll come out alive?

author comment

about any or all of those questions. Maybe talking about the protruding rocks from the bottom and the hurts that come from them would be a good idea. I am glad that you decided to give a bit of detail about what this poem means and now I see what you meant. I think that rock bottom would be a great title and maybe give a little understanding as to what the poem means. Maybe you should let this one lie for a while and think about how to rewrite it. This one leads me to believe that you would do well with a minimalist write with a clear story. I am glad that you are back and thinking about how to touch your readers. That is a big sign that you will be a good poet. Take advantage of the opportunity to join our monthly contests for a prize and our Random challenges for the fun of it and a certificate of having participated. We send you an e-mail that says that you have participated. [suitable for hanging on your wall]. You may write about any or all of the challenge titles and I often try to write one that includes them all at the same time. Again, glad that you are back! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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