Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Haunted memories

There was something about that baloon that was haunted
It blew around between the neighbors' and the Camacho's house
But it never blew away, so much as one day it dissapeared
Quietly, like memoriees fade into shadow regions of the brain

Later on in our rebelious years, dustin and I broke into the neighbors house
Up a tree and into a window and into a bathroom
Something just made me feel like we shouldnt be there
The house was empty, but felt full
I can barely remember it
Like it happened to someone else, or in a dream.

Dustin and I entered our rebelious phases early,
And in very different ways
Our moms had some sort of falling out
Up until his mom got breast cancer
Maybe mine felt bad about what happened
But she usually didnt feel remorse
And whatever it was, I doubt she appologised, or even spoke of it

We were a chore chart family
We went to church three times a week and to a christian home school coop
I think what she wanted was controll
So that we wouldnt turn into whatever her mom told her she was
And what she told my sibling they were
Always asking for my agreement
My sibling didnt care much for me

I spent a lot of time alone
I spent a lot of time crying
And climbing trees hoping I would fall
And tresspassing on the neighbors land, wanting to be far away from it all
And I spent a lot of time killing birds and bugs and wanting to feel in controll of something
Maybe thats why dustin pulled a knife on his Grandma...

Way back in the baloon days there was a lot of fear
They said thier dad used dress shoes, and id only ever felt a hand before
I wondered if he did it with thier pants pulled down.

So...was it all a dream?
This baloon that seemingly defied the laws of physics,
And breaking and entering
And tresspassing
And something sinister in that house,
The camachos house not the neighbors'.
It feels dangerous to go near in the dark haunted corners of my mind.
We played Bloody Mary a lot
And the mirrors must have answered.

Maybe being able to disconnect from it was why I didnt end up in juvie
Or maybe its because my mom didnt die when I was 11.
The last time me and Dustin hung out
He said he wanted to burn his dad's house down
I told him not to
But a part of me thought "Maybe he deserves it"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is a poem about dissociation, different types of trauma and how people respond to it. And its about memories that feel haunted
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

I really like these lines:
it (dissapeared)
Quietly, like (memoriees) fade into shadow regions of the brain (two misspelled words)
And in very different ways (drop "and" it ads nothing to the tale)
(And) what she told my sibling(s) they were (drop "And and add an s to sibling)if necessary

* I know a lot about DID (dissociative identity disorder) or sometime known as MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) as I have it. I had blocks of time that I couldn't remember. most of them have been restored to me by therapy with a trained professional. some of them were horrendous! and left emotional scars. there were also physical scars that were a mystery and their the why of their existence were revealed.

*warm hugs, Cat & eddy

I hope you get it all sorted out. best wishes to you.

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

This encouragement means a lot, and I appreciate your advice (i do use and too much lol). Living with DID/OSDD is so difficult at times, and digging into that region of memory can be really difficult both emotionally and practically. The contradiction and disagreement are especially hard. Learning how to work as a team and do consensus. But digging deep down and talking about it is the only way through. In a way i guess im blessed to have parts that are seperate from it and can still have an optimistic view on the world and relationships and can form relatively stable attachments. I guess thats how I feel me and dustin are different

author comment

I've got eight in my pack. we have been together (known and interacted with each other for over thirty years.) most days things run smoothly. we have a tablet of paper where we write down whose movie pick it is. my husband helps when an argument breaks out. he even assigned us birthdays (and zodiac singes according to our personalities) I'm the spokesperson . there is one male. don't worry too much, you will get there if you are cooperative and work at it.

*warm hugs and thoughts, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

We had 7 at one point but havnt named anyone for a while. But the dissagreements are always some work. You are an inspiration and I really apreciate hearing your story. It will be fine, I just have to keep doing the work

author comment

glad to hear that you are getting by. all of us have names and birthdays. the birthdays given by my husband, Steve, by way of zodiacal signs and traits! all the best to you!

*hugs, Cat #3

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.