Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Morning Aroma
I wake up hungover
on the side of a mountain
high
on life
every moment is condensed into scent
elk dung from yards away
in sweet sun baked bready grass
the waft of ash
from the fire burned in fear
of the smell of elk sweat and blood
painting the night
the smoke and peace of light it gave
the stars smelled of security
all this memory held within a nose
that takes in notes of four loko
of bristle cone pine and thistle
of the lactic acid that aches in morning muscle
this hazy brain almost bursts
trying to contain such a brilliance
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
this is about a camping trip I took where I hiked up a mountain and was surprised by a herd of elk at the top. I made my camp a ways away and took in the stars
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-04-05 01:30
Great view...
I really enjoyed this camping trip!
You really made an impression here!
I love the offbeat, slightly out of kilter, lines
that give off such viable images.
I have gathered the typos that I've found
and tried to put them right for you.
every moment is [condensed] into scent
that takes in notes of four [loko]?
Is this in relation to musical terms? [loco]
of the lactic acid that aches in morning [muscle]
An enjoyable read... ~ Geezer.
BTW, if this is supposed to be a poem for the Random Challenge #14, you should hit the drop-down at the bottom of the page that says so. I think that the certificate would look great on your wall!
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
large marge
Tue, 2022-04-05 12:47
Thank you
Thank you for the encouragement. Ill change those spelling mistakes. 4 loko is a trashy alcoholic beverage that I used to drink on all my camping trips. Did I not do the drop down right? Im a bit confused about that part
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-04-05 12:55
I'm sorry...
it was my mistake, I did not see that you had done it, and done it right! LoL
I did not know about the 4loko, never heard of it before. I do think that it is a little bit odd, that the alternate spelling of the [loko] means a certain musical arrangement of notes in Italian. I thought that it might been in regard to the musical notes of the elk you had referred to. [ they do have a rather nice bugle.] ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-04-22 09:20
dear Marge,
this poem is nostalgic for me in remembering all the camping trips I took with my adopted family, The West Bank Motorcycle Club. we had a meeting in a chosen park on wednesday, to plan our weekend trip. it was great fun! great poem!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
large marge
Sat, 2022-04-23 19:37
thanks!
that sounds like a really nice time and a really cool group of people!
author comment