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Crooked
My Great Grandmother used to say
"Hes so crooked he cant even lie straight in bed"
Its a shame that, even at my young age, ive developed
Scoliosis
I started a new routine where i place a pillow
Underneath my legs before I stare
At the blankness of my ceiling at night
Filling its white canvas with images of regret
Of hurts caused
Of moments where I didnt stand firmly
In who i was or thought I should be
I havnt been able to stand up straight in a while
My feet point outwards
And my stomach juts forewards
And i fixate on it
Staring at myself in the mirror
Trying to pull this in, shift that down
Always falling back to my usual
Mishapen
Shame filled
I started a new routine of stretches and exercises
That will hopefully straighten me out
And i started going to DBT therapy
We work on exercises
To improve "interpersonal effectivemenss"
"Mindfulness",
And "distress tolerance"
My therapist told me
When we dont live up to our values
It can lead to cognitive dissonance
And suicidal thoughts
Sometimes i hate my younger self
"You could have just implemented a few exercises
Into your daily routine
And by now my back would be straight"
I mean, ive know i had this problem for a while
But if you dont see a future for yourself
Its hard to commit to change.
Change hurts, and my back hurts
Now that im trying to press it back into shape
But its a good hurt, like what coal must feel
As it gets pressed into diamonds
And despite the pain
And wishing id done it sooner
Im just glad im doing it now
I try not to dwell on the miror or
Look at the ceiling to much
When I do, and i dont like what I see
I feel energised to exercise
And that motivation helps me look away
And look foreward
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-04-04 14:32
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
"Crooked" is a poignant and introspective poem that explores the physical and emotional struggles of living with scoliosis. The author skillfully weaves together personal anecdotes, quotes from their great-grandmother, and insights from their therapy sessions to create a complex portrait of their experience.
The poem's structure is simple and effective, with each stanza building upon the previous one to create a sense of progression and growth. The author's use of vivid imagery, such as the white canvas of their ceiling and the pain of pressing their back into shape, adds depth and emotion to the piece.
One possible line edit could be to change "ive" to "I've" in the second line of the poem. This would improve the poem's grammatical accuracy and make it more polished overall.
Overall, "Crooked" is a powerful and moving poem that offers a glimpse into the daily struggles of living with scoliosis and the courage it takes to commit to change.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2023-04-04 15:46
Hmmmm...
I have a similar problem, with my younger self.
I could have, should have and would have, taken better care of my health.
Unlike you, I have waited too long. Your poem has a lot of good advice in it
and I wish you the best. I have just a few things I would like to see you do with this.
Look for the places to put your commas and apostrophes.
[Mirror] needs to be fixed, and [energized].
I'm glad to see you back and writing, this one is very good,
and tells the story in a frank and honest way. I wish that all of us could see our future
and make the changes that we need. It certainly would make things a whole lot easier.
Let's see some more of your work. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
large marge
Tue, 2023-04-04 19:21
Thank you
Thanks for the feedback and encouragement! More work to come soon
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