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the last drop

Submitted by MDT on Thu, 2012-04-12 20:49

as i sip the vile vial
colours contour my perspective; only just for a while,
so i drink the potion
derived from elements of a dream in motion,
and watch stars fall into the ocean
to admire their brilliant glow,
coming from the deep below

sand particles glisten in the moon light
and your shaded smile sets the mood right
even in this darkness i find comfort
in lunar radiance, so can we teleport
into inter dimensions of love?
i bite my lip, you are all i think of
as i sip the last drop in the vial.
and i leave my body, for the longest while.

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Comments

Dalton

Fri, 2012-04-13 13:50

Enjoyable poem only one small crit: in the sixth line you used the phrase "brilliant glow" try something like "crystal glow" or "emerald glow" to evoke a clearer image. These words are probably wrong but the word "brilliant" I think is too everyday for the high stature of the rest of the poem. Just a thought.

Keep writing John

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