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Fade

Submitted by MDT on Mon, 2012-05-28 14:01

If i sit upon this magic carpet
to explore worlds untamed
and travel far into dimensions
to be bewildered by the unthinkable
would i long for
the days spent idle
in my wooden cradle
when existence was the drive
to open eyes and strive
to be another bought into humanity
guided by warmth and love and sanity
of the ones that adored me in all profanity
And as time wastes into days
my bones will ache and laze
as my flesh is sure to deteriorate
to give it back from whence it came
then with flowers, they adorn and decorate
the passing of me, in praise or blame
through struggle and strife
they dictate my life
the highs and lows
the poems and prose
like tear drops upon a red or white rose
made of memories dose per dose
tear by tear
in death we fear.

So, If I am to sit upon this magic carpet
and disappear into wonder
the less the memories to be made
the easier I will fade.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Dalton

Mon, 2012-05-28 18:44

"as the ones that adored in all profanity" I think you should insert a "my" there. It reads better and I don't think interferes with the flow. This is of the format of another of your poems that I liked "Gift of the Land". The final impression of this piece leads me to believe the poet at time of writing used the image of death as one who sees it as the great unknown. The mystery that we need not fear. Thats what I took from this piece anyway. At first I wondered if the last four lines were necessary but I see they are without them lines like "tear by tear/in death we fear" are put to rest by the hopeful retailing of the "magic carpet" theme "and disappear into wonder" however "the less memories be made" seems to sit rather bitterly with me. As if to say the quicker the better. Perhaps I am wrong if so sorry. Overall a pleasing yet thought provoking piece of writing. Thanx for sharing.

John

MDT

Tue, 2012-05-29 12:59

MDT's picture

Hi i really like how you analyzed it :) yes, birth and death and "whats the point of it all" we die anyways...i guess its a fancy regurgitation of "live fast die young". :) but yes id rather love and live a full life, its just one of those moments when you wonder about life and death and if death is just death or if there actually is an afterlife. anyways appreciate your feedback..thanks.

Peace love and harmony light the path we must take. - MDT

author comment

China Blue

Tue, 2012-05-29 09:40

China Blue's picture
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I see where your chat theme came from. If I read this correctly is moves at a great speed somewhat urgent.

Good luck and safe Journey on your move
Chrys

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

MDT

Tue, 2012-05-29 13:01

MDT's picture

hi chrys,
yes well someone recently died as another was born so i was thinking about it all...life and stuff. :)
and thanks for the good wishes.

Peace love and harmony light the path we must take. - MDT

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