Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The Homeless Warrior
An old soldier
who has seen
the field of battle
Now fighting the war
to stay alive
on the streets
His rifle replaced
with a sign proclaiming
his service
in the First Gulf War
a cup by his feet
People walking by
probably pitying
the poor soul
Only a sweatshirt
and the pair of pants on his ass
to fend off the elements
A tattoo on his neck
marking him as
a piece of property
by his unit
Making you wonder
if the government
he fought for
has failed him
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
wesley snow
Mon, 2012-03-05 12:47
Benjamin...
... you've been here a year, but this is your only post? Have I missed something?
Anyway, although it's free verse (which I don't get along with), the poem has some real powerful moments. If it were mine I might try to even up the meter, but otherwise the whole thing is sharp. Hope to see more from you soon.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Benjamin1987
Mon, 2012-03-05 16:16
Hey Wesley
Actually I did have some other pieces on here before, but the server crashed and I lost what I put up on here.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2012-03-05 13:20
Hello,
A powerful write. My I recommend You read the poems of another nenber called: Lonnie? He is a vet too and has written some great poems on the subject of being a vet. I will also recommend your work to him.
Keep on writing!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Benjamin1987
Mon, 2012-03-05 16:19
Yes Cat
Cat I would like it if you would. I would really like to see some of Lonnie's poetry. How would I go about finding him?
author commentEduardo Cruz
Mon, 2012-03-05 16:46
BEN
i like this being I am ex-army. My opinion is that this can be something really good if it was done in a western classic form. I have idea's which I will post here soon. they are just my idea's this is your poem. I would just change a word here and there.
Nice to meet you after a year, it's very interesting to me. your like a phatom never seen. lol
Eddie
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Benjamin1987
Tue, 2012-03-06 16:49
Eddie
Its very nice to meet you. I would like to hear your ideas. I am very open to criticism.
Ben
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2012-03-06 05:10
Dear Ben,
I see that Lonnie has come to you. He is a great guy and wonderful poet. To get to his works, just click on his name. I'm so glad I was the one to introduce you two!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
China Blue
Tue, 2012-03-06 17:57
Ben
Powerful words. So sad that you guys are treated like dirt, perhaps less than an illegal alien
Chrys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Nordic cloud
Wed, 2012-03-07 10:12
Well put
I agree with the above, a poignant sight and one we feel helpless to mend.
Nordic cloud.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.