Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Wanting the Queen of Brookline

Submitted by Benjamin1987 on Thu, 2014-05-15 18:27

The music playing
through the mirror
my mind a drift

Thinking about the
Queen of Brookline
the one I want

Her laugh always
warming to the soul
smile melting the heart
to a pure liquid

Wanting to love
something with her
that will last forever

Thinking about growing old
sitting in our rocking chairs
still having each other

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

emeka ozurumba

Fri, 2014-05-16 09:17

emeka ozurumba's picture

you must not make your poem bare like a nude chest , you must embed with some bra for example

weirdelf

Fri, 2014-05-16 21:23

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

but nice.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.