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A Hopeless Romantic Daydreaming of Love

Sitting on the edge
of the railroad tracks
watching the trains
going by

Thinking about
the woman
I left behind

Closing my eyes
she is in my arms
I can feel
her shoulder length black hair
blowing in the wind
brushing against my chest

As the hem
Of the dress she wears
Flutters in the gusts
Created by the passing trains

This sweet perfume
of an aroma
emanates from her into my nostrils
bottling up inside my nose
so I can carry it with me
where ever I go

I listen to her voice
not helping to feel
I am listening to
the most beautiful music
not wanting it to stop
sometimes hearing it
in the wind

Her large white smile
is so bright with happiness
it outshines the sun
making me not to help
but smile myself

Looking into her large
emerald green puppy eyes
I see a sparkle
no other man can see
knowing she will
guide me the right way

But when I open my eyes
I am just sitting there
all alone
and she is not there anymore

I start to yearn for her heart
to be in her presence
so I just close my eyes
and we are together once again

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I didn't find this very stimulating. Not that I expected it to be so. I'm a bit tired of romance right now. However, I thought this stanza was cute:

"This sweet perfume
of an aroma
emanates from her into my nostrils
bottling up inside my nose
so I can carry it with me
where ever I go"

Besides that, I think I've written most of this sort of stuff before. Kind of brings me back to those days :D

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

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