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The Fruit Stand Yard
Apple trees in the back
bearing lip red fruit
sweeter than any sugar cane
A pear tree
in the front
small grass green fruit
growing off of it
its fruit often used
for batting practice
In the middle
a tree of peaches grows
with a small anti squirrel cone
around its middle
and the juicy ripe fruit
making these rodents’ mouths water
The small wooden arbor
of grapevines with their
bunches and bunches
of purple sour grapes
hanging there
too sour to be eaten
But even though
their tender has passed
and the fruit
no longer harvested
Somethings just as beautiful
but not edible
take their place
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
believe
Wed, 2012-05-16 02:36
Nice
I like this poem Ben
Love the idea at the end too.
great ' friend
sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Wed, 2012-05-16 23:47
poetry
My take on this poem is simple to explain. It was well written and placed a smile to my gray. Keep up the good work. Your friend Sakkk.
Steven A. Kacer
Benjamin1987
Thu, 2012-05-17 22:31
Thank You
Thank you everyone for your praise and comments on my piece. I hold this one very close to my heart. Thanks again.
Benjamin