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The Fjords

I felt your mountains
In their summer skins
Their beauty near to heaven
I looked down and there.

Hidden by the great walls
Lakes and waters not often seen
As they reflected the sun
Yet held it in their arms.

A soft glow of warmth
Spreading between craggy hills
Shore lines glistened undifined
In that the light played tricks.

Sunlit lines my mind enhanced
Dazzling the eyes as it danced
Taking on a mad Summer waltz
Where the water caressed its line.

For the suddenness of the change
I would only be part of this beauty
Whispered that I could only see
Not touch which loosened my smile.

As I wanted to walk there so free
To feel the shore beneath my feet.
This land given to us from ages motion
Yet we are unable to touch its glory.

This then is good for our hands
Sometimes they despoil and smudge
Even the strongest of paintings
Machines would claw its beauty.

Until the beauty was no more
Then let me enjoy this beauty
Though it is far from my home
I can remember it defined.

Placed forever in my sight
Etched stone upon stone
With waters play all aglow
Into my mind to tell others.

This was what I had seen
I have to leave you as I found
To me this is as purpose should be
To retain a world in natural beauty

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
An old one sorted a little..
Editing stage: 

Comments

What are you talking about? A poem should have a projector... The throbes used should brush something on the cardboard. This poem is completely shut out from daylight... Only the lyrical flow got me tapping to a musical tempo, do I relate with anything else? No way!

A background would have highlited a little to tackle from

Hommies

Obviously you have no idea what a Fjord is.
They are part of the scenery in Norway.
Cut out of rock thousands of years ago.
Mostly hidden from normal view
The sides of the lakes they hold are very steep and not a place you can walk.
A little search into what a Fjord was would have made yor comment of worth.
That you bring in some obscure rock band from New York well I think we need to write more that you can relate to,
Thanks anyway for your visit, Yours Ian.T

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

I think I have another thing to research...

Hommies

the gist of what you are saying. You have looked at pictures of someone else's home or country and wished that you could have been there to see and feel it for yourself?
~ Gee.
.

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Critique or comment today!

I would never have thought that you would not be able to understand this piece.
The Fjords of Norway are known internationally, If I remember right the Tirpitz, the German battle ship was found hiding in one and severely damaged by the UK's bombers
They are a unique natural beauty of Norway, I think that after these two comments I should give up writing about such places,
Yours Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

You should rather keep writing on things we don't know to educate us, now I've known and wouldn't have yet if not for you. I will never quit telling African tales and revealing its unique cultures...

Hommies

I always ask any poet from any part of the world to write not only of what they see around them but the way they feel about life in their area, also to research other countries and write of them (Fiction) ..
There are many of you from Nigeria and there are many here that would love to see your day to day ways.
I spent quite a few years in Africa and mixed with the local people, also had to work with them and their ways of life were from fear to delight, I loved it..
So let us know of your ways and thoughts, I know that in some parts of this complex world it is sometimes dangerous to do so but we can try.
Take care out there, go teach the children of writing and write of what they say they are our future,
Yours, Ian..
One that I wrote of a friend of mine A Zulu:-

“I see you”

We had just moved in to a new house
A place to live in a country far away
A pool and land for the children to play
Then a knock at the door one day
He stood there at my door

Gleaming smile and not quite sure
“I see you” he said to me
Hands palm out for me to see.
A man of the Zulu’s had come this day
To ask of me if he could stay

In a shed we had in the garden.
It had a bed there, I had forgotten
“Cyprian is my name” I stay you gain
“Do you work” I asked of him.
“Yes I do” he offered so free

I work down the road in the brewery
He told of paying me
I said that the shed would be free.

But each week he’d leave at the door
Bavarian lager in pack of twenty four.
Cyprian was a good man I grew to know him
My child learned from him of many things

Click language, and some Zulu words
We bonded as people of this world.
We left that land so far behind one day
Back to England as was to be my way

I remember him and the things he’d say.
“I see you” a greeting that holds my sway.

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

It's really awesome... Do read my poems? My poems are mostly African tales of Gods, Beliefs and Wars... I feel people don't know enough about Africa. West Africa is the most interesting part of Africa, with Nigeria alone habouring over 5000 languages and myriad different cultures and set of beliefs...

Hommies

u post so few
thus so many read you
wonderful poet r u

i read ur poem ...as I'd learned what fjords were in my school ...geography class
you can't expect all to be imaginary
so guide them
why the irony
i read 1/2 of ur
epicury
'twas lovely ...you should read Irene's Iriz's poetry
she is a natural nature specialist
covers such like poetry ..as she physically traverses

Thank you for your visit, yes I love Irene's works and if you see her web page you will go on a lovely journey (Sojourn lol) I have written for her to her and about her so I am a fan. I don't write much these days as I feel that the comments are only from my closer friends and Neopoet should be an open book, I have tried to make a lot of differences here but most poets just want to be read, Maybe Richards new way will help but we will see.
Now you have a new one of mine that I have just this moment finished a letter for the June contest just fo the hell of it..
Have a read and get back to me I wont mind you reading my letters lol
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

a one person jury ...
discourages so many ..and in any case i am not a fan of NEOPOETS any
and u know my friend loves to fix me

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