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Butterfly
Stop your butterfly kisses
and butterfly eyes,
your butterfly tragedies
and butterfly lies.
I never pulled the wings off a butterfly,
or glued them to a caterpillar,
no.
And for all my imperfections I
am in no place to hear a lecture.
And on days like today
have no more use in giving them.
Because it's not you that needs the lesson,
and it's not you who wants to learn.
So maybe I go back
to my old friends Kindness, and Mercy,
and my cousin, Understanding.
All of whom love to fuck me over,
until I don't want to cry,
but stare, blankly.
There is still my old drinking buddy,
Cynicism.
He seems the reliable sort.
How I love you,
and want to love you.
How I've learned so slowly what scorned teenagers already know;
that Love is bullshit.
If only I had tolerance for truth.
I could tell you how I felt alone,
and I could tell you how I felt at home,
and I could tell you all the times
I felt alone at home.
Each day,
all the days
I felt alone at home.
I worked,
oh how I worked
to keep the Devil off my back,
and how I spent hours, days, etc
to keep ahead of it all.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scooby
Sat, 2017-03-18 18:20
I love the way you use
I love the way you use vocabulary to express how you feel through words. most people have to be so very detailed to portray their emotion but you use one word that expresses everything and the point gets across. thank you for your great poetry.
Eumolpus
Sat, 2017-03-18 23:34
your poem
I really like the first stanzas using the symbol of the butterfly to define your relationship, using butterfly as an adjective, then as a noun in the following... one way of looking at it is the first two stanzas (omitting "no") IS a very good finished poem. It shows the feeling of being abused in a relationship. The butterfly is the adjective of the lover, it says all about her. Then the two simple lines are very telling. You neither took off her? ( I assume but gender is not offered here, nor does it matter) wings, nor ever did acts of cruelty as pulling off wings. The rhymes work great at well, and does not matter that the last two lines don't rhyme, (but might be better if you slightly rework them so they do.)
For me the poem breaks more into a prose, and uses too many BIG concepts like "kindness" and "mercy" lacking a poetic center. Firstly I not understanding how you are in no mood for a lecture because it's not her that needs it? Its just confusing.
Then I'm not convinced in the end that love is bullshit. Teenagers scorning love is part of being a teenager who still has much to learn about "love". You have both love and want to love, yet seek the ability to deny it's existence, as it's bullshit. I think those concepts, such as the truth of what love is needs to be a little more developed. Love has many faces, as does "truth".
Hope this helps. This poem certainly feels like you have been wounded, and wounds take time to heal.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings