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Babies that should have known loving

I wonder if you see my gifts most times
Cos you are lost - In the turmoil
Of your own drive to be enough
& I know how that feels
It’s a too common
Phenomenon
Of our deprivation
Babies that should have known
loving & nurturing
A solid belief in a life worth growing into
I had to teach myself these things
& you in your way
You learned to survive
& I love your integrity
& wish for you so much more
not just Moleskins & Birkenstocks
but faith in yourself
& me in full health
Laughter & lust in the warm summer evenings
Space, & a safety of soul
Body, heart, being!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Feel a bit slack putting this here,it hasn't had any incubation time, nor consideration past the falling out onto paper that is quite private... It's pretty light on I know, I feel I've lost perspective on what is worthy to post actually... Im happy for critique, but please don't give up on me, I will find my stride again I feel. 2 years of fogged brain is slowly clearing. I had named this one "I wish you more", but somehow the other title popped into mind as I posted.
Editing stage: 

Comments

sounds like a lot more provocative a title Cloudthings! I love this piece, the content is close to my heart.
As a student of psychology I can tell you, your thoughts are not far off the mark! As a poem it is a superb dedication to someone else. Both intuitive and sensitive.
Well done!

ps considering reading a book entitled 'WHY LOVE MATTERS' exactly this subject material.

Bonitaj

Thanks, yes... the original title is more... well... poetic really isn't it, provocative is an interesting consideration, I will ponder it, thanks for your comments, always valuable isn't it. It is so nice to be back, I appreciate it so much. Such a pleasure to be immersed in these processes & honoured by other writers (I feel it is an honour to have my worked considered as such). & thank you it is a tender reflection on relationship, with self & other, the contrasts & similarities of experiences & responses to history.

Wow, now THAT'S a potent title eh? "Why love matters"... reckon I could write a thousand poems just on the one phrase, don't you... Might look it up.

Cheers
& happy study
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Anni,
We missed your ways and poetry, so very glad that you have returned to Neo.
There are many more things to do now, with the workshops in full swing, my poor old attention span and fixed ways make it hard to learn, but they help in many ways.
A great Welcome back to walk with us again, Yours Ian.T (Yenti)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks Ian, lovely to hear from you, yes, I certainly am challenged to keep up, I have a LOT more to manage in my life now, & find so many occassions every day where I get some poetic lines or inspiration, but can't make the time to follow through (guess it's always that way for we writers, huh?), & I find it's often when I am sleepless, I almost crawl out of my skin wishing I could just pop in to Neo (like I used to in my single days) to read & share & explore, but I have to BE with 'what is' for now, I am attempting to re-arrange so I can make a bit of specific time for Neo & for writing... how I have missed it, & what a joy to be back, so thanks for the welcome, I look forward to reading you again.
Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Love your writing dear!
a poem about being
no sour ness
no bitter ness

so easy to fall in with the crowd
and scald
so much effort to rise above
and encourage

magnificent poem about the good
that is still here in todays world
with its woes
and how we rejoice and can
without those shadows of fears
that cripple the souls of others
too afraid to make the efforts towards change

Inner peace through strength of belief

Thank You for this Poem
Your Freind Steven!

Thanks Steven, you almost made me tear up with that little response, I feel humbled in a lovely way, & touched by your reflection there. As you know, I believe you to be one of the most talented writers I have read, a natural, so to think you get something out of my writing means a lot.

How lucky I feel to be among you wonderful generous folk again...

I'm sure you all understand this... when you are a writer, it is almost torture not to write, & it really does feel like coming home, this communitiy holds such potency of kindred exploration & development. I can relax knowing that we all have a mutual understanding about the drives & depths of a writer, there are subtle & definite characteristics we all share (I know I am generalising when I say "all" forgive if you feel you are not happy being included)... Somehow it is a relief to be among others with poetic blood, it is safe (more often than not) & a place of comfort & purpose to express what seems to really demand expression from writers.

Anyway, thank you for thanking me for the poem, it is a pleasure to find you take something from it at all.

Yours humbly
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

I do like the title, "I wish You More" It is much more in tune with the poem and smoother, less complicated. This is a write close too my heart, as I was an unwanted child and told so on many occassions. These lines resonate with me:

I had to teach myself these things
& you in your way
You learned to survive
& I love your integrity
& wish for you so much more
not just Moleskins & Birkenstocks
but faith in yourself
& me in full health
Laughter & lust in the warm summer evenings
Space, & a safety of soul
Body, heart, being!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Dearest Cat, again, thanks for the feedback, always valuable. I think we seem to be winning with replacing the original title then, I do like it more, just, somehow as I was posting the other title seemed to want to be placed, it is less poetic & less "pleasurable", but it hits harder & is more descriptive of the actual heart... you it just occured to me that it is the downside & the original title "I wish you more" is the upside (the element in me that is always attempting to look for the silver lining, the positives or benefits of life's circumstances... heh, actually it is part of the "learning I mention here, how I trained my self to have a better life than the one I was abandonned to if you like). It helps doesn't it, to be more aware of these things, I am not surprised to hear your story, or the similarities... perhaps it is part of the flip side of a crappy history, it pushes us closer to the heart, we are almost forced to do something like write or paint or create music to process the pain & discomfort. It doesn't hurt anymore, that stuff (mostly), it used to be quite crippling to be too close to the real truth that you were not wanted, not loved, not worthy in the eyes of the very centre of your universe, your parent (s) & family. So much dreadful burden for a child, the sense of failure or shame or unworthiness... Viva the pen I say, it saved my life more than once... scribbling through the depths of crisis & coming out the other end, bedraggled perhaps but, with even a slight will to live... How depressing that sounds, but I am smiling because I know it can be done, & with so much joy to be shared, not just surviving, but thriving. You & I & many others here I am sure. It's just that as writers we get to see more of those damaged bits I think, it's part of the healing process & I love it!

I do go on!
May you be well loved, as you always should have been!
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

... that you should not consider the worth or lack thereof when you post. This next comes from my horse training, but I believe it is relevant.
The only important part is the transition. The transition (from feeling lost to feeling found, from good poetry to bad and the other way round) is paramount. If this were any other poetry website, I would not post the rough drafts of my epic poem. But this is NeoPoet. Our stated purpose is to lift the poet to somewhere else. That it may be a bad place is not relevant, because it is nothing more than a transition. Therefore, I post my transitions. Our desire to seek the good, the strong, the evocative will always move us closer.
You know, the only thing I found lacking in the above poem are words and not symbols. The symbols (&) indicate fatigue. I know from fatigue. I am manic depressive struggling to get the meds right.
Don't sweat it. From my perspective, the poet is still there and as strong (or stronger) than ever. Only the person is a little worn out. Get some rest, keep trying to deal with the problems of the last two years and keep posting.
You are in transition and that is to be desired.
Respectfully, wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thank you Wesley, again, I am touched by your consideration & eloquence, & greatly apreciate the respect that is not only mentioned, but obviously present in your response, it is a mark of grace &, speaking of worthy, it is such a valuable trait.

Wise words within that lot & I thank you for that gentle encouragement & the reminders of the value of the process, & the intentions of Neopoet (which I just adore). As for the ampersand, on the one hand you are spot on, I have had Chronic fatigue/Myalgic encephalomyalitis, Fibromyalgia & a whole range of debilitating offshoots of these diseases, I am determined to recover & not to see myself as the disease, but I do struggle to embrace the fatigue, sleeplessness, & continual illness due to significantly lowered immunity, & (for me) devastating effect on my ability to think & articulate, as I was always someone who was pretty articulate & revelled in the pleasures of language & communication. That aside, I must make it public that I choose to use the ampersand because I LOVE it, I love it for it's sensuous cruviture, it's embracing shape, it's brevity is definitely an asset, but for me it has become a delightful little symbol of all good things in life, &, and &&&, it is full of potential & offering, inclusion & generosity, I feel it embraces the essence of positivity & possibility, it embraces ME & I embrace it & celebrate it, even though many writers seem to have disdain for it's use.

However, I respect your perspective & know it is valid also, I'm just offering another perspective, I'd be interested in your thoughts there, I am enjoying your comments & will make a point of making time soon to explore your work in more depth.

Good luck with the balancing act, we all (most of us, I reckon) are learning to balance or rebalance some element of our lives, medication is a tricky one I think, but our brains are fantastic things, as is science in my regard, we are all about the balance of chemicals, naturally I mean, & I know that we can help readdress imabalances very well if we get it right. I wish for you, ease & success in finding that balance.
Respectfully & gratefully
Anni

PS, I wrote in journals for most of my life & went through a stage of naming them... One that was quite significant was called "Transition". I found your comments there really worth contemplation, might be worth further discussion, I'm wondering if your concept of transition is what I think of as "process"? Close really, in terminological relation I mean.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

the wish for happiness in the children of the world. Those children who were never wanted, the ones that are neglected because of the focus on the lives of their parents. The ones who come after their parents needs. I agree with the asessment of Wesley. You have a great heart, that shows your depth of feeling. Never be afraid to post the work that is in transition. That is why Neo. exists, to help the poet express the emotion and thought behind their works. We have a much better enviornment here now. Take your time about clearing the fuzz from your writing head. We will be patient and offer sound critique and a bit of compassion for the thoughts you have. Welcome back! ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
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Critique or comment today!

Hi Gee!!!! (read excitement & jumping aroundness in those exclamation marks!) Great to be back my friend, & lovely to see you here. I am hoping I am a little more robust & resilliant than I became toward the end of my last stint here, I did feel there was a bit too much brutality & personal attacking occassionally & as I became more debilitated I just realised it was more than I could manage, despite the grieving I felt for all the gorgeousness that is Neo & it's inhabitants... Anyway, I am adoring being back, though longing to have more time here than I am able... no more batchellor evenings with the laptop in bed reading & writing & discussing poetry until the sun comes up, (might have added to why I got so ill)... but anyway, life is as it is, & I am "home", & so pleased to find you here again.

Thanks for the support & encouragement, I do feel like I have slipped with my writing after such a long break & my head is far less clear than it used to be, I don't have the access to the language I used to find much more easily... sleep deprivation adds to that too, but I am determined to reclaim the pleasures of writing (which are far more than putting pen to paper ... or fingertips to keyboard), & feel so ready to venture back into the frey. I am glad it's ok to begin as clumsily as I feel I have, I admit to feeling Very tenative & exposed, but each time I visit the site I am warmed & encouraged to continue taking step after step, which is how we do this life thing , huh?

Thanks for the lovely warm feedback too, does make up for the lack doesn't it. I have been so blessed, after a pretty crappy beginning to life, I seem to now be surrounded by folks who are considerate, nurturing & just... good, what we all should have had as babies really. I spent my life giving others what I wished I'd had when I was little (& a bit bigger), you know, I always worked with people who were vulnerable, older, younger, post traumatic, disabilities, socially disadvantaged etc.

These days I create communities that are really nurturing & supportive, I'm not sure how it happens, but it does so consistantly, safe places to be & where we have fun... so illness aside (& receding) life is good, guess that's what I look for (& listen for... leading into my new post with that one!).

As with others here, I look forward to making time to exploring what you've been writing.... my problem is I am too verbose in my comments perhaps!!!

Cheers & joy
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment
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