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And Still I Love That Sound
And still I love that sound,
when the young wind roars through the trees
of the forest in the valley
'cross the street.
I realize tonight
that I'm not living
on the edge of the woods,
but in them.
Many years ago,
the forest was cleared around me,
while the young trees howled.
But still I love that sound,
that howling, whipping wind,
that old gift through the parking lot
behind my current home.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Tue, 2016-11-29 06:00
excellent!
so much of our mind is primal..its base build
the mystery of the inner...
so much faith and belief in the imagination
Belief in God....(When younger many get a
faith of one sort or another...chosing to not
believe later is an adult option)
Belief in angels...Santa Claus..Easter Bunny
saints...Jesus....and the rest of the elements
Bogeymen....uber wealth and uber poor...
phobias that haunt many and increase with
age....mortality for young and old..the gauntlet
the street bully or school...They were real..
I had to deal with them...even as a six foot
kid in high school....
Believe in Love.....and the gauntlet
bye house...bye kid...bye money...
glad the car is in your name...
but its just a car...even had I got it
it would have been worn out by now
rusted away with our salted highways
for winter...
when I was walking the dog...I saw more
women walking the trails with their dogs
then men...of the men..they were hoofing
it by running or packing shit with em..
I talked too one nice woman my age
my dog has to wear a mask...a good
dog...raised not around dogs or too
many people...the lady was nice...
saw her a few other times...I pick times
when the trail is not loaded up with
people....I like the belief that Im
far away from civilizations except
the woods is surrounded by houses
but its big..and the wind through
them as U write is pleasant and
spooky...Primitive...Like tonight
or this morning...rain..cool..
wild...We then lived and many
hydro systems ran through tree
right of ways...they have since
moved the power to the side of
the roadway...but then the power
went out with every storm
winter spring summer...house
would go quiet..flashlights and
hurricane lanterns...parents
would tell stories...sometimes
scary ones...of the pioneer
times only two generations
removed....the big power black
outs up here too...no big crime
wave...people just out with
lights..candles..milling about..
we are driven for it..its in us
we have had power only since
the eighteen hundreds...
before that...
this short poem in its feeling
and form is excellent!
thank U Connect11 !
Mr Wolf!
Tee M. Allison
Wed, 2016-11-30 16:33
Childhood
I grew up a city girl with car horns and all the crazy lights and when i dreamed of serenity, it was exactly this image. The sound of the wind of of trees bending to let it pass, and it make me think of the little pleasure urbanization and development has denied us of. I still love the city lights and the sky scrapers, but i bet i would have loved the endless skies full of stars, the woods behind a country home and the excitement of the chirping creatures of the woods. Some days, i do think i would have loved that more.
Your title, theme and overall consistency of your poem was great, but i think it would capture the image more if you used more descriptive words. For example, you can describe the sounds, to invoke the sense of nostalgia in readers. But then again, simplicity is a type of beauty. I really love your piece.