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"This Grave that I Walk Upon"

I stand upon this unmarked grave,
hollow, mindless, numb,
I've been here far too long.
My skin, dry, cracked, and rotted,
all my memories gone.

A shadow of myself that's been lead astray,
I miss the peace of where I use to lay.
This hunger will not stop it does not pass,
this curse I pray will not last.
What have I done, why did I wake,
what was my sin, what rule did I break.

I walk upon this unmarked grave,
it is my soul that I could not save.
It is my grave that I walk upon,
in this world that I was from.

Now I'm destined to walk alone,
upon this grave that I call home.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your comment means a lot to me, I'm glad you liked it:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I will look over your suggestions, Ive been very busy lately.I'm glad you liked it:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I would like to bookmark this and come back to it for a proper critique okay?

Blessings to you and the family this Sunday

Mona Magics
xoxo

I would love to here ant suggestions that you might have, thanks:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I'm glad that you found this thought provoking.I think you are the first person to ever get good bumps from something Ive written.Thanks for liking my brand of darkside Shirl:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

This poem is mournfully haunting. And you are so good at it, too! My favorite lines are:

A shadow of myself thats been lead astray,
I miss the peace of where I use to lay.
This hunger will not stop it does not pass,
this curse I pray will not last.
What have I done, why did I wake,
what was my sin, what rule did I break.

just one minor flaw, thats should be that's

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I'm glad you caught it, I totally missed it, lol.Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it Cat:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

You know I read this and it is just okay for me .. I don't know something it's either long winded or off meter in places. I think I need to do some work on it, if you don't mind to be able to give it my honest review. I have to come back again okay but please pm me if I forget less you don't want me to and leave it as is. I like the depth of it but something I can't get the jive with. lol

I have been ill so try to do it on the morrow perhaps.

Mona

All help is appreciated, just PM me whatever it is that you come up with.I haven't had any extra time myself lately, its been so busy around here.Thanks for all your time and effort Mona:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment
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