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"Late Autumn Air"

Skeletal fingers,
reach towards the sky,
covered with bark,
rotted and dry.

A hint of woodsmoke,
hangs in the air,
strewn across leaves,
a womans blank stare.

With eyes glossed over,
turned milky white,
this once beautiful spirit,
approaches the light.

Skin turned blue,
her form twisted,
body half eaten,
her limbs become rigid.

Her fingernails pulled,
her teeth shattered,
nose has been broken,
this girl was slaughtered.

Fortyeight stab wounds,
knife still in her chest,
carved deep in her back,
it reads this is your death.

Her feet uncovered,
they're totally bare.
Everything falls silent,
in this late autumn air.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Editing stage: 

Comments

A very dark poem about a horrible death, but a very well written and strong poem. Easily your words turn to images. Great poem no critique. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Yes it is a very dark post, HS had asked me to post something dark due to my nice/love poems that I have been posting lately.It appear that I am successful.I'm glad that you liked this and thank you for commenting.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

KZ,

talk about gory you scared the ...out of me lol

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Then I did my job Lou:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

You really did lol

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Kind of reminds me of the old ditty Lizzy Borden took an axe, gave her mother forty whacks, gave her father forty one...but I digress. This has strong rhyme and meter within each stanza and flows well as you read it aloud. Dark but well done.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

I always liked that Lizzy Borden ditty, lol.This is actually from a nightmare that I had then written down immediately after.I cleaned it up quite a bit before I posted it on here.I think Neopoet is rubbing off on my poems in a very good way.Thanks again Chez:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

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KZ,

phew!...I was worried you'd post more love poetry about angels and dancing!

I see normal service has resumed.

I like the short punchy lines...enough description in each short line to convey the image.

Bloody and dark...really enjoyed the tempo to this.

This stanza:
Skin turned blue,
her form twisted,
body half eaten,
her limbs became rigid.

was a littlke short when compared to the others...I am obsessed with uniformity! I also wonder if the last line is a change of tense...maybe:

Her limbs, taught and rigid. or Broken limbs taught and rigid

Glad to see you back at your best theme.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Those lines were a bit longer but I stripped them down a little, Ive noticed from some of the critique of my other posts that this was most likely the right thing to do.I see what you mean about the last line there, I will play with it a bit to see what I can come up with.I think I have a really simple fix for it while I find something better.Thanks HS, glad you liked it.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

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doesn't quite make the rhyme, but other than that, really good work! Of course you know that I am a big fan of the dark stuff anyway. I hear that the chats are about to come back, and when they do, I hope you will join us, on Chat On The Darkside. That is where we explore the darkside of our minds. I would like to give an assignment to write about, and you write your darkest thoughts about it. And this does kinda make up for all that sappy love stuff! ~ Gee

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

I noticed that about the fifth stanza too, but I couldn't find a proper replacement that said the same thing(suggestions are welcome, lol).That chat does sound pretty interesting.I am also glad that this makes up for all my sappy love stuff, lol.Happy that you liked this Gee.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

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As a child I was afraid of the dark, not anymore. As an adult I
usually dont like dark poems, but I loved this one, very descriptive!

As a child I believe we all were somewhat afraid of the dark, and as adults we have forgotten that we should still be afraid, lol.I'm glad you liked this one, and hope you will like some of my other posts just as much.thanks again:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

OW

This is painful to read. But most excellent. I like the finality I feel when I read this, the relentlessness that comes through in a lot of your work.

I stumbled only on the 4th stanza:

"body half eaten,
her limbs become rigid."

only because I'm a nit-picker, lol: by the time half the flesh has been eaten away, rigor mortis is gone from a body, unless something large and hungry did the eating; but I got a sense of old murder here, not fresh and new.

Creepy and nasty and very good to read.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

When I dreamt this, I was walking through woods in the middle of the night for some unknown reason and came across the scene that I described here.This was one of those ultra realistic dreams where I jolted awake sweating my ass off,(thinking to myself WTF was that) lol.I'm glad you liked it Jim.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

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