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"Humanity Fall"

Sons of the planets collide with the sky,
some meet with the ozone, they burn up and die.

Looking up to the heavens with emerald eyes,
watching as the world ignites and dries.
The grass was once green now turned to sand,
a hole in the earth leaves no life in the land.

First with a scream, then a quiet mumble,
I sit on a hill and witness cities turned rubble.

No more animals alive in the wild,
no more people all is defiled.
Now only whispers speak to our soul,
everything gone, the Titan took toll.

The world has found peace, its true peace for all,
as I sat on this hill and watched humanity fall.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

Dear Mathew, I do not want to criticize for I liked the entire piece. I dont know why I love these lines...
"The grass was once green now turned to sand,
a hole in the earth now no life in the land."
Regards
Ayaz

I'm sure I will get enough critique for this later, lol.I'm glad you liked it.I don't know why you liked those lines either, lol, but am happy that they spoke to you:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I enjoyed this poem, and I hope I never see this day.

I do have one suggestion: stanza 3, line 4
everything gone, the Titan has taken its toll. (I figured this would go along with the "sons of the planet" theme a little better).

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I agree, and will use it.Thank you, I'm glad you liked it and I hope you never see this day as well.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

This is the first I've read here on the world being cleansed by an asteroid strike. I enjoyed the perspective and wonder if the dinosaurs had such feelings when their world ended. I have a suggestion you might consider to smooth out line 8 :
First with a scream and a cry, then a quiet mumble...........................scribbler

I liked your suggestion, I played with it a little.Hope its a little smoother now.Thank you.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I fear that we will kill off our world with all the abuse we have inflicted upon her. The question is, have we passed the point of no return. I liked these lines:

No more animals alive in the wild,
no more people not even a child.
Now only whispers speak to our soul,
everything gone, Titan has taken its toll.

The world has found peace, its true peace for all,
as I sat on this hill and watched humanity fall.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I changed a few things, I hope you still like it with the changes.I think the world is just fine, its lasted a very long time already.Thanks for comment Cat:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

Your suggestions helped to smooth it out quite a bit, thank you.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

Those first lines of this poem are my favorite.Out of all the endings for our blue gem that we all live on, this one is the one that most definitely will happen,much like our pock marked moon, the earth has been hit many times before and will be hit again.All the talk of 2012 is rubbish, there is an asteroid that will pass us closely in 2012 but it will not hit.The real worry is when it comes back around, it will be much closer then.I imagine that your lunch with the astrophysicist was an interesting one, and it would have been a great joy for me to have had a lunch like that.I'm glad you enjoyed this poem Shirl, thanks for commenting.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment
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