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"A Return to Eden"

Stained filthy brick,
lining dark alleys,
little light penetrates,
inner recesses of these shadowed walls.
Slick rainbow shades of color,
sit atop puddled ground.
Tiny vials,
glass pipes,
baggies,
litter soiled earth.

Maggots,
human waste,
excrement,
foul each breath inhaled.

Corrupt creatures silhouetted in dim corners,
needles pierce abscessed veins.
A tourniquet removed,
warm waves whisper over chilled skin,
eyes roll toward inner ecstasy,
drifting toward forbidden gardens.

A return to Eden,
paradise found in lies.
In this chemical coma,
rodents nibble nodded fingertips.
Disease spreads,
after experiences shared.
A cycle is continued,
the circle complete.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Another attempt at freeform ...
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have lost many of my friends to this particular form if self destruction, thought I would share a glimpse of their lives now.Thanks for commenting Ian, it is much appreciated.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

like a teenager's bedroom and what is sometimes found and then dismayed over. Some just delve into that darkness thinking it will be a brief journey and for the strong it is but too many do not see the complexities. This is way deeper as you read it more than once.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

I agree, teenagers are pretty gross at times, lol.Sure hope most parents aren't finding this type if paraphernalia though, thats just sad when that happens.I'm glad that you found depth in this post, and that you actually read it more than once too.Thanks for commenting Chez:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

Any here can tell you I am no expert at free form. All I can do is tell you how I would change it if it were mine. Please note that places where spaces are suggested are to punctuate changes in line of thought. Now since you asked for it lol:
L-2 try lining dark alleys
L-4 try inner recesses of these shadows
L-5 change shades to prisms
L-6 change little to tiny
L-7 delete and
put space between L-10 and L-11
L-15 change taken to inhaled
add space after L-15
L-16 change far to dim
L-17 change piercing to pierce
space between L-17 and L-18
L-22 try paradise based on lies
L-23 change in to of
L-24 change nobbed to numbed By the way, what are nobbed fingers?
L-25 and 26 combine to something like :
shared experiences spreading death

all of these are just alternatives to be used or discarded as you see fit.........stan

Some of the changes I couldn't make, like how the oil that floats above a puddle, it doesn't prism to me.And I can't delete line 7, tiny vials are the most littered thing you see in alleys.changing "in" to "of" didn't feel right also, I can see being in a coma, but not of a coma, lol.And "nodded", lmao, is a drug term(wasn't really expecting anybody to get that), its something that heroin addicts do while high.The shared experiences isn't death, its disease through shared needles(hiv, hep, ect.).Thanks Stan, your a big help.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I hardly expect any author to use suggestions much less All suggestions, just glad to have helped at all. BTW the suggestion about L-7 was to only delete "and" not entire line lol.............stan

I misunderstood about line 7, lol.I will change it, damn those pesky "ands", lol.Using all these "ands" is a bad habit that I need to work on.Thanks Stan, you helped a lot.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

Sorry that you had to go through that, and glad to see that you have bounced back.Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated.

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

You just took me down memory lane on a trip to my youth (Young adulthood). I was once a resident here, but came through this phase of my life by the skin of my teeth. I woke up one day, took a look around me and realized I didn't like what I was becoming and got out. My first husband wasn't so lucky in his addiction. I had to leave him as he was complacent to this way of life and refused to consider change. I've seen first hand the damage of the life style and know the end results as I lost good friends to aids and overdoses. Your poem is dead on accurate and I applaud you for tackling such a difficult and horrendous subject. Great job!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I hate the thought of you having to go through such things, but I'm so happy you made it out and that you are here with us now.I also can't thank you enough for your comment, it means a lot to me:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment

I must come back to this but I got the whole picture..I shall return. Hard to write for my two fingers numbed out three days now. I will be back.Hit me up if I forget in a pm please

Blessings to you
Mona
xo's

You take your time, no rush.Thanks for stopping by and giving it a read:-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

author comment
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