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My lost and found

From birth
the aversion to sleep
served a portion,
the first slice
of insanity,
sang-froid contorted
a barrior to sleep,
always present

A trigger pulled
at fifteen years
irrevocably damaged,
I endeavored to find
the earth underfoot,
finding nought but
space without end,
with no foothold
no iota of memory

I drifted away
into nothingness,
alternate realities
brushed my lips,
enticed me to stay
to become one
with penumbra

For boundless time
I existed as shadow
detached to roam never,
I fell down the hole
meeting Alices rabbit,
time was just hands
on a pocketwatch

minute by minute,
hour to hour
grandfather time,
pulled me back
reviving my flesh
into a new creation,
unbroken in ways
but also ruptured
with fragile interfaces

Forever robbed
of moments,
but finding
self again

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
Still working on this one, I found it a hard topic to go over again after a long absence.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: My lost and found

The poem explores themes of sleeplessness, mental struggle, and personal transformation. The structure is composed of stanzas with varying line lengths, which adds a sense of unpredictability and emphasizes the disjointed nature of the speaker's experiences.

In the first stanza, the poem introduces the speaker's aversion to sleep and hints at the beginning of their mental struggle. The use of the phrase "sang-froid contorted" effectively conveys the idea of a calm exterior being twisted by internal turmoil.

The second stanza marks a turning point in the speaker's life at the age of fifteen. The phrase "irrevocably damaged" suggests a significant event that has lasting consequences. However, the poem could benefit from providing more context or details about this event to deepen the reader's understanding of the speaker's journey.

In the third and fourth stanzas, the poem describes the speaker's disorientation and detachment from reality. The imagery of "space without end" and "alternate realities" effectively conveys a sense of disconnection and loss. The use of the word "penumbra" adds a layer of darkness and mystery to the speaker's experience.

The fifth stanza introduces a reference to Alice's rabbit from "Alice in Wonderland," which adds a fantastical element to the poem. The mention of "time" as "just hands on a pocketwatch" serves to emphasize the speaker's disconnection from the passage of time.

The sixth and seventh stanzas depict the speaker's gradual return to reality and self-awareness. The personification of "grandfather time" pulling the speaker back adds a sense of external intervention in their recovery. The phrases "unbroken in ways" and "ruptured with fragile interfaces" suggest that the speaker has emerged from their experiences both stronger and more vulnerable.

In the final stanza, the poem concludes with the speaker acknowledging the loss of moments in their life but also finding themselves again. This offers a sense of resolution and hope for the future.

To strengthen the poem, consider providing more context or details about the significant event at the age of fifteen, as well as exploring the process of recovery and self-discovery in more depth. Additionally, refining the poem's structure and maintaining a consistent rhythm could enhance the overall flow and impact of the piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

While I often extoll the virtues of plain and simple language,
I most generally find the choices you make are almost self-explanatory.
You use them in such ways that one can almost derive the meaning right away
even if you are not familiar with the word. Penumbra is a word that I was vaguely familiar with,
but went to look it up anyway, just to make sure that I really understood it.
Thank you for this offering, I cannot imagine the experience; other to say I would liken it to
becoming aware of a reality that is/was so contrasted to something believed, that I could not wrap my mind around it.

I sometimes look back at my life and wonder about where the time went, how many things are gone forever?
How many pieces of reality are there that I have distorted to make them more palatable?
How many pieces of reality are unrecoverable, how many are there that I've no wish to remember?

Once again, you have made me think... Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you for taking the time to read this one. I have a mind for weird words. I think it comes from my studies in my youth and a love of the written word. I'm always happy when I can use words not often used.

There is nothing like this and I much rather be "me" even with all the stigma attached. I have long ago stopped feeling shamed by what I am and how I am. If people can't handle a little honesty and truth about mental illness well that's their issue not mine.

Thanks for being here. Hugs

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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