Most people think the town of Worthing in County of Sussex
Is not so interesting and full of old folks, dried-up wrecks
Awaiting Grim Reaper's visit with his merciful scythe;
Worthing's Big Event the cleansing of public toilets causing tums to writhe
Bringing odours strong enough to ensure catastrophic
Mass retching and pumping out of breakfast in puddles of sick.

But tragedy struck at the level crossing when the 7.29
Came choo-chooing two hours late down the railway line;
My half-blind stone-deaf transvestite toothless Great Uncle Bert
Was midway across when the mighty loco caused him fatal hurt
By squashing him flat as a three foot diameter Diabolo Pizza
Resembling the genocide in wartorn Srebrenica.

O what a mess was there for all to see at that awful time;
This unfair world has no justice, reason or rhyme.
Great Uncle Bert met his untimely unexpected doom
And all that was left to put into his pauper's tomb
Were lumps of shapeless flesh and a chunk of his gullet
But at least I salvaged from the mess his well-filled wallet.