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Birds View
I love to be an early bird
to greet your eyes each dawn
gliding on our wings
in sunshine
homing to our nest
each night..
I love to spread my wings for you
wishing our dreams come true
night after night
our love takes flight
and soon we are
three from two
Now I become the keeper of our nest
with our loved one under your breast
hoping not
it falls and wails
when our nest and tree
are felled
and with them
our sanctuary..
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2011-02-05 23:52
view
almost? 2 poems in 1 lol.I seldom offer critique on humorous writes unless for obvious mistakes of which I see none here. I'm still trying to picture a person gliding on another's eyes wings ...................scribbler
raj
Sun, 2011-02-06 04:48
Dear Stan
you are most welcome to critique on this one or for that matter on anyone....and to pint out the errors...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-02-06 04:51
Dear Shirl..
as i mentioned to Stan...i welcome all critique ..and take them in my stride ...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-02-06 08:22
Hi Lonnie..
so good to see you visit this page ....thank you for your comment which sums up niely the essence of what i have tried to convey ...i plan to tweak it up a little ...
warm regards..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Sun, 2011-02-06 21:24
ur so lucky
ur so lucky
the birdie from florence ,
ex-london
viisted thee
and promised
that u would become ,
as u say three ,
how search me
perhaps,
you may ask that birdie..
loved
raj
Sun, 2011-02-06 22:23
you got it wrong Loved...i
you got it wrong Loved...i hope you said that in humor...she is a wonderful friend here on Neo
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Sun, 2011-02-06 23:16
she is a friend of all
where have i been wrong i wonder
loved
raj
Mon, 2011-02-07 12:47
Dearest Shirl..
good to know you liked the re-structuring and the little tweaks i have given to this write...
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment