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Wrong
Wrong
You think you are always fair
you think that you always care,
how could you be wrong ?
You're convinced, that you'r not the violent type
Always passive
don't believe the hype, you are wrong
Upstanding ,all the live long day,
the humanist one,
welcoming
You're sometimes aggressive, selfish,
Even moody.
You could even say stubborn.
face it you are human
Editing stage:
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Comments
the_fool
Wed, 2011-12-28 08:18
what are we all
if not hypocrites? really good bullshitters!
found the title a bit blunt as it over-shadowed the first S making it almost meaningless. the line 'Wrong!!!' felt blatant and out of place, like an out of place scream in the middle of well articulated point.
i definitely got this one, though. short and to the point. is it about anyone in particular?
nullus anxietas
the_fool
lou
Fri, 2011-12-30 02:45
i Think this needs
a total re-write
thanks lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-12-28 08:22
A little more tightness in
A little more tightness in your poem would pack a powerful punch, so to speak. ;-)
~A
lou
Fri, 2011-12-30 02:46
hi
thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
emogothgirl
Wed, 2011-12-28 13:59
i think a little more
i think a little more structure to the last line would make it a stronger ending. otherwise, great piece!
lou
Fri, 2011-12-30 02:47
thanks
thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Thu, 2011-12-29 13:32
Dear Lou,
Good on you for this rant. I take it someone you know is bugging the hell out of you? Someone close, I assume. Way to get it out!!! (is this person passive agressive, or actively so?) I hate the passive agressive ones... so hard for me to deal with. The "in your face, up front" ones are easier for me, lol! And I have more respect for them. I hate the veiked sneaky shit!
Suffice it to say, I enjoyed this poem. but I would have liked more (I'm greedy!)
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Fri, 2011-12-30 02:49
Cat
its a little confused needs sorting out
glad you liked it thuygh
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!