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Hum drum

The hum drum glum
Low down days
Buzz and thrum
Drone on incessantly

Trapped, sapped of energy
Cramped in soulless mundane lives.
missing opportunities at every turn

Passed out, strung out
Apathetic, the throb and dull ache
smashing our will

Zapping and snapping nerves
Brittle In the chill of reality
Calling to someone to let us out

We have  the right
To take flight
In the pursuit of freedom

Vacate this. Pointless conformity
Expand our chests
And experience the length and breadth of it all 

Editing stage: 

Comments

We have the right
To take flight
In the pursuit of freedom

Vacate this. Pointless conformity
Expand our chests
And experience the length and breadth of it all

very well penned!!!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

A lovely picture of the lives we fall into and accept as everyday things.
If only we had the guts to leave and go out, where we would find maybe a fresh life that gave us a little excitement.
Probably why a lot of us write poetry as it is an escape from those places be it only a short one.
I send you the flowers of our spring and the songs of the birds outside my window telling stories of struggles and a new life to be, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

ian and cat

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

And here I was expecting an ode to the vibrator rotflmao. But this is really good even to an old perverted rhymer........stan

clean out your mind lol

Glad that you liked it

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

favourite lines in a great write
‘Passed out, strung out
Apathetic, the throb and dull ache
Braking our will’
‘Braking our will’ – is this intentional word play or a typo?
- say it is clever word play lou :)

‘The hum drum glum
Low down days
Buzz and hum
Drone on and on’
to avoid the repeating of hum,
can I suggest ‘thrum’ for the second one?

‘Zapping and snapping nerves brittle’ – reverse syntax – sounds awkward (imho of course lol)
any reason for not saying it as ‘Zapping and snapping brittle nerves’ ?

i enjoyed this
- some good internal rhymes, asssonance, alliteration etc
gave it a great sound
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

long time no see , glad to see you back !!!

Thanks for the read I'll take a look at your suggestions.

Love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

My mind was tap dancing with the words in the first four llnes,
I agree with you here, as you know by now with my explosions.

"Zapping and snapping nerves
Brittle in the chill of reality" I've changed the place of brittle?
I think it give the sentence here more impact.

Nordic cloud

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

i like that idea annanya
xx

two votes for that now lou xx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

i think you are right.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

True.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

thanks

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Terrific poem, on what is most of our lives.Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

thank you

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Half way through I was hating it then it grabbed me and shook me, brilliant!
it was starting out as a pure dpression poem
: but you brought the edginess and life that exists even in deep depression back into it. I love it

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

thanks i'm glad that you like it

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

imagine how I felt
when this poem lept at me
Wow Lou!
this is great

like rushing a rapids
with a pocket full of stones
before long I was paddling
fast!!

Thanks

thanks

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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