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Whispers and bone

There are hardwood pews at the end of the path
There are beetles that shimmer and shine
But they sit there so humbly as if they were safe
Is it all down to chance, their survival, and mine?

I used to howl for the moon, in the wind, in the storm
And sit on my own by the lake
I used to sing for the sound and the comfort
Thinking all that I had could be anyone’s take

Then I lost the chance to start over
It’s a tragedy all of its own
I’d walk out on the tightrope with a smile on my face
Until suddenly all is just whispers and bone

Walk me ‘til all this is over
Like laying the path with the tale
The cobblestone cold or the meadow and fold
Coming home to the comfort with no taint of fail

We all come here somehow still naked
We come here in trust and in hope
We lay down the dream, or the stark inner scream
Until somebody throws us a rope

I am torn between singing and silence
Poised on the edge of a breath
Feeling the chasm of unknown potential
And the sordid attention of death

Last few words: 
It probably sings better than it reads, so maybe try doing that if it isn't smoothe enough for you ( always trying to get people to sing... it's my thing!). Again, quickly stealing time before "family demands" intrude, so I will have to come back to actually refine this. Am determined to organise some kind of "retreat" at least once a week so I can actually focus on writing... sigh. Feel free to pick at it. --- ok edited, thank you all for your input, & Stan for his specifics, it no longer requires any shaping with melody to run a little smoother (I hope). I have removed or changed some words here & there. It is now a poem, not a song lyric, though I'm sure there is more I could do, I will probably revisit.
Editing stage: 

Comments

(or is it Annie?) I wouldn't change a word of it! I even like the title; quite clever! You do a good job of setting the mood of this piece in the first few lines. I like how you have casually rhymed it. It is hard to choose favorite lines, but I have finallly settled on these:

I am torn between singing and silence
Poised on the edge of a breath
Feeling the chasm of unknown potential
And the sordid attention of death

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Dear Cat, yes it is Anni (funny how one letter, to me, makes this a comletely different name, pronunciation not withstanding! Perhaps that's a writer thing?), I am not as tetchy about it as I used to be though, no stress either way.

I do think you choose the smoother stanzas, that last, the easiest flow I think, I'm sure you have your own reasons for shoosing thus though.

My thanks as always for your time & attention. I still feel it could improve & will come back to do a bit of work later.

with warmth
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Taking it away with me to gnaw at dear Anni, I too shall be back.

Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Gnaw away my cloud-sister, how I wish I could transport you here for this delightful afternoon sun that "pours in like honey" (Joni Mitchell) as the birds tweet whistle their lovely afternoon serenade... not for me, I know, but I do feel so grateful for such yumminess in a day... I imagine you & I after having gotten all the banter & catching up out of our system, sitting here as the leaves nod & branches bob after the alighting of a Rosella, carelessly leaves the framing of my window, typing away, or writing, chuckling & chatting now & then, like happy chooks in a bale of hay. Of course later, there'd be walks in the forest & gallery strolls & chippies by the lake after getting honey form the local apierist. Ahh you, love you being in my life!
A xx

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

In your paradise of sunshine and flowers, and the honey sounds wonderful, is it dark honey, or the same as here, Summer honey is light from the flowers of the meadow and the garden, whereas the Autumn honey can be from the trees of the forests and the hills. Greek honey that was BLACK was wonder full. I like honey, although I don't eat much sugar, that makes everything commercial toooo sweeet for me.

I am there Anni
from Annushka in the soft sunlight of Nordic Spring.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

more profile on this poem
More "meat" on the bone
the ponder the gestalt of
it

thank you

It's funny... it's like the old analogy of getting back on the bike... I feel like this one was the one I felt just a little momentum building to get the balance & trundle off down the gentle slope.

Wobble, wobble, swerve... oh, there we go! God it feels good to be working with words again, I feel I have a lot of catching up to do though & how I would love more time alone to do it, but nothing like I'd trade my lovely family for I must admit... just looking forward to having a little space to dance with it again.

& you? Are you still riding? I guess it is coming into Spring there, our Autumn is so mild & half hearted this year, no doubt it will get more showy soon, we had so little summer actually, the seasons are getting oddly confused.
I just enjoy each day, it's always lovely, no matter the weather (well, I have more trouble embracing a really windy night, makes me a bit anxious for some reason, fearful the house will get blown apart or some silly thing).... Heh, lucky I don't live in Kansas!

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

As a whole it feels so personal as to disengage the reader.Too many "I"s.

With a bit of work on smoothing out line lengths and meter, which would make it sound less like prose in places this could emerge as something really worthwhile.

Sorry i don"t feel able to give specific suggestions, read some really good poetry and listen to the music of it. it is the music of the language that is lacking.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thanks Jess, ggood perspective there. I shall revisit with these things in mind. I really need to get more knowledgable about the study of poetry, I am not even so clear as to what is prose (is prose so bad, I thought I understood the difference & enjoyed prose, or is it less desirable here at Neopoet?) & could use a brush-up on poetry structure & terminology in general. That's what I love about this place... anything that inspires someone to want to understand & enquire & explore more is a great thing I think.

I am intrigued at your last comment, it is he music of the language that is lacking, certainly I know there is some way to go before I feel like this poem "sings", but I'm wondering what YOU mean by this... is that in relation to flow, or the language (words), imagery? Or is it that it isn't anchoring in the psyche of the reader? I think that your first comment was very useful, & I will attempt to explore this tendency in my work... is that related to your latter comment. Certainly I have been reading more poetry & have considered it in the light of your comment, the musicality of it. Sometimes I intentionally try to get less "musical" given I really began writing poetry as overflow from writing songs, there can be so much emotive energy & imagery left over in a good session of song-writing, I never saw it's value until I found Neorpoet... still, I think that's not what you meant.
If you have time, I'd love to know, there's always more to learn.
Cheers
A

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

I'll try to be brief.
Prose? Nothing wrong with it, can be great to read. It's just that it is not poetry. Which could open the whole can of worms about what is poetry.

As to the musicality of poetry, it is in every aspect of poetic form, structure and imagery. Fortunately the new Neopoet is especially well suited to learning and developing all these skills- the workshops.
Check out the workshops currently running
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/find
and the ones that have finished also provide a valuable resource.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/find/archive

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

....my comment to Anna's arrogance of poetry..
"we note the quiet of beauty that hides in clouds of pollution,
peeping through to touch our emotions, that's poetry;"

whether it is in prose or any other form, its still poetry
when we expound these feelings, perceptions and emotions about things
and unless it is 100 pages or more, it can be called a poem, Jess

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

regardless of length.
You can also call black white if you want to.
The basic difference is that they are words for different things. Poetry is not prose and viceversa. To clarify the actual difference we need to examine the poetic qualities of a piece.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

What is black IS white the object just doesn't absorb its opposite and we see the other.
But you meant that I call something black when it is white, in your eyes, not mine.

I agree, I thought prose was prose when I first wrote here, and poetry a different thing,
on being told later, here on Neopoet, that the short piece of prose was also poetry,
I shrugged my shoulders and thought okay if that's what it is...

This reminds me of myself and my sister when looking at something we called turquoise, and she said it was greenish and I said it was bluish- we don't even see the same colours, we humans, that is so, so how can we agree?

Surely the handling of a subject denotes something as poetry, even if written as prose, the content is expressed in a different manner and would seem comic when used as prose, which has to have another kind of expression, perhaps? Just thinking around the edge of the pot, the brew may well be defined by the academic fraternity, but I watch and listen and learn, and hopefully can use whatever turns out to be the label attached to it.

Ann in the cold winds

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

My poetry is just like my former letters,
only put out in shorter rows to make poetry,
people said my letters were poetry,
and they are so part of each other, poetry and prose,
they express the same thing and are the rhythm of words
in the same way, its all amusing that one discriminates
the one against the other, they are the same,
each 'poet' using words in his or her own manner,
don't you think Anni?

All these academic categories can help structure
but the spirit of poetry is free.

If what you say is Correct, then I am no poet.

Nordic cloud ed up.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

There are differences and they are worth understanding.

People ignorant of poetry can call your letters anything they like, but they are wrong if the letters are not poems.

And yes, some of your poetry is a bit prosaic.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

i love the rhythm of this – how it changes as the story takes each turn
i have read it over and over – just love it…

i felt at first that the longer lines were a tad long… but the more I read the poem the more I caught the rhythm there

It’s a tragedy all of it’s own….. (typo - its)….

this is an awesome write anni- just awesomel
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

regards the conversation above
in this case, i think this is poetry - it sings to me, has beautiful rhythm
and lines such as
'Feeling the chasm of unknown potential
And the sordid attention of death'
-well what is that if not poetry?

my confusion reigns more with free form....
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

my comment that sparked the debate was
"make it sound less like prose in places"
I never said it wasn't poetry.

The debate, however is a valid one and will have the Workshop Leaders team scrambling to address it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

and understand the pain it causes.
Yes, we will develop a workshop around this. I'm so glad you are now on the Workshop team.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

More willpower than I have Beau... I would enjoy it from you though... write a blog on my page any old time.

Looking forward to the workshop anyway!

Cheers
A

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Jess, I really valued your comments, not just because it prompted me to ensure I was more aware of the subtle & less subtle elements of poetry & writing, but also because it has done what it has here... made us all think & examine what we are doing & ultimately settle on what we aim to do here... I suspect it's the same in the end, for all of us, improve upon our writing skills, & all of the elements of writing here are so very valid, from obviously poetic poetry (if that makes sense), to rambling letters full of wonderful descriptors & emotive expression such as Ann is so good at. My query regarding prose was that, given it is a separate category to poetry in essence, was it less valid on Neopoet, it was a question meant in a conversational sentiment really, it hadn't occurred to me that perhaps there were guidelines I had overlooked that state or imply that Neopoet is more about refining & analysing/exploring/expressing/sharing POETRY & that prose is not so welcome... just clarifying, though I suspect (as I think you implied yourself) that prose is as valid here as poetry & certainly not less valued nor do I suspect it is usually seen as a seperate thing by many writers (thiough I am happy to be corrected if that is not so.

I think, like Ann, that I have just written most of my life for various reasons & came to the understanding that there was POETRY among the writings I created, & since it was not an area I had previously studied, I was not so clear as to the categories of poetic styles.
In any case, I love that this has opened some dialogue, I suspect I am not the only one that would appreciate a heads-up in the direction of more knowledge & understanding of this wonderful thing we do here.

So, well done I say, you are most welcome to add such commentary on my pages where appropriate.

Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Thanks Judy, I have read some of your work, & feel quite honoured that you should be so encouraging of mine, I thank you.

I do think Jess has made some good points though, in truth I have not been clear about the difference between poetry & prose etc.

Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

with more reflection on this
- i think where jess wants less 'prose' is what i'd call narrative poetry
and i think you have mixed narrative with descriptive in just the right ratio
i personally can see no real other way of expressing such events

lol - mind you ((((big smile))))) jess i know you are the expert

and as for the poetry verses song debate - is there one? - lol - can we have one?

my thought - without the music you could say that there is poetry and non-poetry (lol sometimes even non-prose) in each

and with my standpoint - all poetry is song - the good brings the reader's own music with it....

just my interpretation (((another big smile towards jess's profile))))

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Hey Judy, I think these infinitely worthy comments in total... I love your ways. Once, I would have shrugged & said "I just write", but I love that here we have the opportunities to improve on our writing & educate ourselves regarding categories,destinctions & styles etc. etc.
It's all good.
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

One of the stronger closing stanzas I've read in while. Here comes my layman's opinion. If a rhyming poem requires that it be read (or sung) in a specific way it falls a bit short of its potential. To me music is forcing words to meet a predetermined flow whereas rhyming poetry Causes the flow with its words......now doesn't that sound pompous? lmao. I have a few ideas you might consider. Of course if any or all of them change your intent feel free to ignore them :
L-6 try and sit by myself by the lake
L-8 change anyone's to someone's (just seems to flow better)
L-11 delete out on
L-12 abrupt change in tense. Change is to was
L-13 try this all instead of all this
L-16 delete some
L-17 try unclothed instead of naked
L-18 change come to arrive to avoid close repeat of come
L-99 Tell scribbler to kiss off

These alternative should not be taken to mean I didn't like this as I did....just some ideas................stan

Hi Stan, & thanks for this, I will explore your line refinements shortly, but am eager to respond to your comment first if that's ok.
I tend to agree with your summation since this is not a "song writing" forum, but a "poetry" forum, I later considered that it was a bit naughty to suggest people "play" with the phrasing so it fit the rhtyhm, so yes, I do agree & happily so ... but, as an aside, I would dearly like to give you another perspective on lyrics & song phrasing, since it IS an area I do have lots of experience & some academic nouse to bring to... Academics aside, it IS a different creature than poetry, partly due to the phrasing & rhythm issue here. In short, it is one of the absolute pleasures & joys to create a song that sings well, both the lyrics & the sentiment, & even the melody (& accompanying music at times), but the relevant point here is that in a song it is sometimes the very bunchng of syllables... or stretching, or pauses... that really makes the song beautiful, add depth, emotion & gives emphasis (the same may go for poetry, but is FAR less critical, since usually poetry is written/read, & mostly songs are listened to). So the fitting of words & sound around the rhythm & melody is part of the creative process far more in song/lyrics than poetry. As an art form, the pallet for song creation is far more like the oil paint pallet than the poetry is like black ink for an etching (if you can see the analogy in an extreme kind of continuum, there are, of course many options for either (greater or lesser amount of colour options in this example) along the continuum, to the point where, there are definitely poems that could almost be songs & vice versa.

& (forgive me for not having the willpwer not to get into the thick of it here, I am trying to be brief) the only other thing I really think bares mention is that there are indeed, many poem that have been made into song merely by adding melody etc., but it is less common to find the oposite (though I do feel many song-writers write brilliant poetry worthy of recognition... many also do not, & the reason they don't is generally down to content & repetition & phrasing manipulation being the basis of the song, rather than content & sculpting as I percieve a good song. There are, no doubt, many songs that might succeed in tthe pop chart with little more than a catch phrase (often not even a clever one) such as "Baby, baby,baby don't leave me" & not much more to it... there are even some of these that might be quite good as songs because of clever rhythm & melody manipulation, but I doubt this could be said of poetry so commonly. This of course addresses your comment about song lyrics above, & how you perceive them to be squeezed & shaped to fit the melody, though I get the sense you view the process as less creative than I know it is. You say "To me music is forcing words to meet a predetermined flow whereas rhyming poetry Causes the flow with its words...." I also get that you make that statement along with a dash of humility & I did not take offense at all, just wanted to offer you a different perspective.

Anyway, loved the comment, hope you were not bored by my response, but I do think it worth consideration. I feel I have learned, as is the point here, now I shall go & explore your alternative options.

Thanks Stan
Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Back again, I did indeed try on all those suggestions & without writeng another tome, found most of them didn't work in this write, but I just want you to know I appreciate the suggestions & I still feel this needs work... don't give up on me, I am sure that such suggestions may be perfect some other time... I am most frustrated about line 8 & was hopeful your way might work. Here are my thoughts as succinctly as possible:
L-6 try and sit by myself by the lake - I found that felt odd with too many "by", might this be an Aussie term "on my own"?
L-8 change anyone's to someone's (just seems to flow better), - I see what you mean about the flow, but the sentiment is so different, ithe point was that it could be anyone, not someone in particular... I will think on it.
L-11 delete out on - Missed this & now can't look at the poem to see, will when finished here.
L-12 abrupt change in tense. Change is to was - yes, I am not sure about this, the tense change is intentional in a way, I was hoping to convey the sense of wanting to put an end to an ongoing history...? Again I will think on it.
L-13 try this all instead of all this - I tried it (shrugs), just didn' sound better to me, apols, no excuse
L-16 delete some - I forget what this was about, I'll check
L-17 try unclothed instead of naked - again I did try it on, but it was not fitting in the context for me.
L-18 change come to arrive to avoid close repeat of come - oh, this is the 3rd one I missed checking! Sorry.
L-99 Tell scribbler to kiss off - definitely not, it takes time & effort to offer such crits & I bloody appreciate it, even if I don't take it all on, it always helps to make me think about how my writing is met & I think ultimately makes us all better writers, so thanks... I'll get back & address those lines I missed... & see if I can get a better fit for line 8 as well, it's so clumsy.

Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Ann, Jess, Kels, Judy & Stan,
I tthink all of you add so much to the skills we are trying to develop here & this is all good.
I want to have more understanding about the difference between poetry & prose & don't believe Jess meant any offense at all, (just in case anyone felt this was an affront at all, I think, not). Ann, I love your poetic letters, as you know, & I do think you & I came to recognise the need to write "poetry" before we knew what "poetry" was in an academic sense... & I don't believe that Noepoet hold that it is a prerequisite to know all about everything poetry related in order to join here. Keep writing as you do so wonderfully, even if you ONLY do this & don't explore the more academic side of what is or isn't poetry, your (our) writing improve by exposure & practice & that is also what Neopoet offers, it's up to us each to choose what level we are able or willing to immerse ourselves in here I think. Kelsey, I am so glad you are here, I think you have so much to teach us all in your wonderful unintrusive & very charismatic way, please do spill all your wisdom you have any time, especially if it's a passion, I love that about you. & all of you, I just really think we are lucky to have people so willing to give their time & wisdom form different perspectives, I appreciate it greatly & am inspired by all of you, without exception... Thanks
A

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

Must know all there is to know about poetry to join here?!? lololol........I hardly know anything except what I like. And as to not using all suggestions, I'd be shocked if you did.Back to knowing it all(still laughing). Before I came here I'd written an extensive list of poetry which amounted to THREE poems and 1st time I read a poetic prose I thought it was a short story.
As to songs being poetry. I have often stated here that it's my opinion that some of the best poetry of the past 40 years has been in the form of song lyrics. But these poem/lyrics can be seen as poetry when simply read without a background beat. Indeed, in freshman college English literature we actually studied some Kristoferson and Simon and Garfunkle as pure poetry..............................stan PS I'll let line 8 rattle around my empty head a bit and see if I can help....hmmm......"thinking all I had was there to take"?

Hi Stan, I agree with all that & apreciate, as always the spirit of sharing & support with which anyone offers feedback, yours particularly because I am often not brave enough to offer suggestions lest it offend (& because there is SO much that goes into a poem that a reader often does not understand & I feel there is sometimes a reverence needed), having said hat, I actually oved your siggestions, because they truly made me actually disect the the write more intensely... I think these things are a generous gift & I am grateful.

You may not have noticed, but I have made several changes since you comment, & finally settled on the following (in context in the stanza) for the 8th line:

I used to howl for the moon, in the wind, in the storm
And sit on my own by the lake
I used to sing for the sound and the comfort
Thinking all that I had could be anyone’s take

Merely removing the "to" made the read more smooth & the flow better, though it does slightly change the intent of the sentence, I think it is acceptable in a poetry context... no worse than "ere" or o'er in quite traditional poetry. The line you offer here is pretty good too, I kind of wanted the anyone bit in there, just because that was more true to the experience I was describing... the taking by "any person" of quite personal, sometimes intimate or vulnerable "things", the sense that there was no concept that such things could be claimed as my own, not freely available to anyone who might arrive to take it. I like the erradication of "that" in your suggestion too, I had removed it, then put it back for emphasis on the sharpness & impersonal sense of it... but I do think I might have been being a bit too lost in my own desire to stick to a certain sense when alternatives would make the read more accessable... & in the end I have to return to the question of whether I am writing for "me" to express what I want to express, or am I writing to inspire & evoke things in another...
A happy medium I think often serves since, in a way, you can't have one without the other in a public forum.

As for the lyrics as poetry issue, we agree then... it is about the rhythm & run of the lines that makes most "poemable" songs "poemable" Chuckle!

Cheers Stan & thanks again!

Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

" Thinking all that I had could be anyone’s to take-
Thinking all that I had was anyone else's to take

"And sit on my own by the lake
Or sit on....
As I sat.......

Many comings here

"We all come here somehow still naked
We come here in trust and in hope-
We enter in trust and in hope
And enter in trust and with hope

"Coming home to the comfort without some sense of fail"
...why do I not like the fail squeezed in here for the rhyme?

Just looking at it round the body of a dog who insists on putting his paws on the mat between me and the computer

Annushka can'7 see

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Dearest Annushka, thanks for your ponderous thoughts my cloud-sister, yes, worth having a play with, all (I do wish there was a way of accessing the actual poem whilst responding to commentary). I had to chuckle & dare I even say it, on the pun of lots of comings... excuse the cchildish tittering, but in all truth, I do quite like the emphasis on "coming" (inuendo aside), certainly using the word enter is more subtle & in a way, more gentle (which may be why I like the repeat of "come", it's more bold & takes more courage... which it sometimes does, yes?)... But certainly as I have been exploring, the idea here is not always to stick purely to the story or sentiment we originally came here with, but to write better poetry.

& yes, indeed, I am totally with you on the clumsiness of the squeezed in "fail", I have thought much on it, I even had a discussion with my otter about it, concluding that the "sense of fail" was important to me in this write... to be rid of that taint would be the ultimate freedom in a way... I must have been changing it prior to your comment, since you might see I have actually changed it to be a little more flowing, adding the term taint, indeed, since that is what it seemed to me, to be free from being always tainted by that sense in my past, no matter my "successes" or wins etc.
Give the dog a pat, I must say, they do add some lovely comfort in our lives don't you think? When I am very unwell, my little temple guard dog really does help me heal by being close, & just himself... perhaps because he finds comfort in being with me & eminates content that I respond to with affection & generosity... Life is all about "other" really isn't it!

Thanks & love to you xx

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

I know what you are saying, dear Anni.

…so alone with your thoughts…questioning the malevolent principles of aging.

Time passing; dreams bartered and sold, sitting amongst the ruins and souvenirs of your life…testing your will to submit to fate and finding no suitable closure to the perception of insignificance or regret in your life. ‘If I could just build one more castle, grow one more garden, cross one more desert, watch one more sunset, cry one more tear…’
But even if you have the power to rewrite your past or to just turn one more page in your book, in fact, what you are really saying,
'If I could just be loved… more deeply.'

This has to be one of my all time favorites! It really hits home for me. It strikes a nerve that is so haunting that I must prepare myself mentally before revisiting these words.
...DAMN, Anni...you are gifted!

Convicted Cloudthing Groupie
OREO

Dearest Oreo, I am truly honoured that you think so highly of my writing, but I am really just finding my way back to it. I am so glad that it struck a chord with you, as I have said, to me, that is one of the highest prizes one could hope for in writing for others.

As or your lovely commentary, one thing that really struck me was this... finally (if I am searching to do anything in my life.... & it is not a comfortable thing to speak in public, I have SUCH strong deterents in this regard, it was, when I was young, so tabu to even think of myself before anyone else) it is not, as I had always longed for in my youth, to be more deeply loved (although, this is always delicious), it is actually to love myself that is the biggest challenge & the solution to so much suffering I think (this being the case for anyone, I believe). It seems to me, those who love themsleves generously are far more free to be at ease to love & appreciate others & life in general.
Anyway, thank you for such generosity of heart in your comments. I am looking forward to going to discover your own writing & profile shortly.

Cheers & may you be bathed in love!

A

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

I have to say that this is the line the so to say grabbed me by the boo boo

.I am torn between singing and silence
Poised on the edge of a breath
Feeling the chasm of unknown potential
And the sordid attention of death

thank you
tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

Hi Tommi, glad you found something to connect with & nice to meet you. It's alwasy exciting to me to meet others with similar passions & enticing to learn snippets about fellow writers... I am looking forward to reading your work too now.

Keep singing
Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment

I would never quit singing as it is another one of my many fascettes(?). I love creating of any sort. It seems to me we have similar passions as i read your poem. I look forward your take on my minds eye.

Tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

I thought this was a very powerful poem, I read it a few times over and got more and more from it each time, like I missed things and then saw them the next time, like a favourite film you watch over and over and pick up new threads each time.

We all come here somehow still naked
We come here in trust and in hope
We lay down the dream, or the stark inner scream
Until somebody throws us a rope

I particularly loved this verse - I identify with it wholeheartedly and I felt the rhyme was natural and not too over the top. Sorry, not very technical here but basically it did it for me!!!

Thank you!

Lindsay :)

This was one from my previous spates at Neopoet - I've disappeared twice over the years, once finding it was too painfully reactive & political in a nasty way (maybe that's always a danger when one comes here being quite vulnerable & others enjoy stirring things up & going in personally in a rather violent way... in my mind anyway)... So far after a 7 year break, I'm back again, it seems to have mellowed, though sadly some of my most favourite poets are no longer here... I'm hoping they might turn up though. Still some lovely folk here though.

I am happy to have written something that draws you back & contains layers of response, that is a lovely compliment to me xx

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

author comment
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