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WHAT IS WON.

The Conquer stands last
ending that of a race
many opinions
of who's dominion
appeased by the last
sigh for life
reflects upon
what is won
as the hatred
still lives on.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

As you have continued each line's thought in the second line,
I would suggest that you use lower case letters
at the beginning of the second line. It makes the piece easier
for the reader. Short, but concise, it does need an apostrophe in the line

"Of who's dominion".
Other than that, I really like this piece.
Of course, as always, it is your discretion where to use any or all of my
suggestions. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks Geezer. I did forget that s out of who's. Thanks regards, Chris.

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