As you have continued each line's thought in the second line,
I would suggest that you use lower case letters
at the beginning of the second line. It makes the piece easier
for the reader. Short, but concise, it does need an apostrophe in the line

"Of who's dominion".
Other than that, I really like this piece.
Of course, as always, it is your discretion where to use any or all of my
suggestions. ~ Geezer.
.