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SARA

Submitted by Christopher Stuart on Fri, 2022-04-01 04:49

Her names not Sara
But Sara suits her so
It's such a lovely name
It's a name I only know
And I could never tell her
Say, how I feel
She will never know
What my heart reveals.

But I could sit forever
And listen to her talk
Just to hear her laugh
Just to know her thoughts
Still, inside her heart
Her dreams are just asleep
There, lying in the dark
Time is all we keep
Time we do not own
Trapped inside a mirror
Time is all alone.

Autumn falls to winter
Sara's letters and a poem
Forever, painted silver
Gold on marble stone.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

One

Fri, 2022-04-01 07:08

Chris

I really liked this:

"Time is all we keep
But we never own
Trapped inside a mirror
Numbers all alone"

Well balanced poem.

I won't critique the grammar issues, but there are a couple!

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

Christopher Stuart

Fri, 2022-04-01 19:42

Thanks One, i have changed it

Thanks One, i have changed it a little bit. I'm never 100% happy with any of my poems. I have a few more good ones that i will submit soon. Regards Chris.

author comment

Candlewitch

Fri, 2022-04-01 08:25

hello,

"Just to (here) should be (hear) her laugh
it is a pretty poem I like the title. it flows well.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Christopher Stuart

Fri, 2022-04-01 19:39

Thanks Cat, I change it, I

Thanks Cat, I change it, I should read it properly before I submit it. I appreciate your help. The poem is mostly about a friend of my called Sharon. She was a nurse and such a beautiful person but she gassed herself in her car almost 40 years ago at the age of only 21 all because her boyfriend dumped her. Such a waste.

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2022-04-02 10:07

Such...

a lovely poem, about someone you have carried in your heart for all these years! Yes, there are a few mistakes in this poem, but the main carries through and I found it to be most engaging. [name's] should be possessive marked with an apostrophe.
The near rhyme and what I call so-close sounding words make this a very fluid and smooth poem. Very good! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Christopher Stuart

Sat, 2022-04-02 20:24

SARA.

Thanks Geezer.

author comment

Neopoet

SARA