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Three in a tree's bad luck...

Betwixt the
Shimmering constellations
And the
Black pines

Inside its eye
The face of a thousand midnights

Sharpening its talons
On the cheeks of the fair

And slake their thirst
On the darkening air

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
Sometimes its what you don't say... or see.. as in horror flics...
Editing stage: 

Comments

why?

author comment

I assume this is about owls rather than some type monster. Seems I've heard three nights' owl call from the same tree is bad luck. But sometimes it's better to say a bit more to let the reader in on what's going on lol. Those last four lines are truly exceptional..............stan

Its about crows and they are monsters...

author comment

Crows huh? I guess the shimmering constellations thing misled me into thinking you meant a night bird. And yes, crows can be very cruel ..................stan

These words could be used for a grand poem but as Stan couldn't find the theme, Don't forget many countries have differing fables and strange sayings..
I took this(well Sparrow said) " Tree in a toilet tree is bad" but he's part Irish, and tree trees is nine I give up LOL, Yours, Ian.Tree

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

yet somehow feels incomplete.

I really question the use of betwixt instead of between. Kind of overly poetical, keep it real.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Between shimmering constellations
and the black pines.--- this would be a better format

Inside its eye---whose eye? One of the 3 in the tree? this is too vague
The face of a thousand midnights--- too melodramatic and exaggerated.

Sharpening its talons
On the cheeks of the fair-also way too melodramatic,

And slake their thirst-slake is archaic and also this from the bible and properly should be in single quotes
On the darkening air- 'darkening air' is from Dicken's and should also be in single quotes.

I did like this although I've been fairly critical. You mention Crowley as one of your inspirations, an interesting magician but a lousy poet, suggest you expand your reading and include some modern poets.

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