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Sunku Satisfied... [Sunku Workshop]

Slender
Green stalks wave
Bright heads bobbing

Showers
Cleansing me
Fence post hanger

Sky-light
Sparks of fire
The heavens call

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I called up memories of a summer rain on a farm for this one. An alone day with nothing to do.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I got a few different vibes from this. Alien abduction, suicide....good form with an element of mystery.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I guess my reputation proceeds me. Thank you. ~ Gee.
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author comment

I too liked this. Farm is a good place to write from eh!

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Glad you liked it!
~ Geezer.
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author comment

first stanza (imo).
But the whole piece reads great.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Slender
Green stalks wave
Bright heads bobbing

Great fresh words and enticing image here.
The freshness is enhanced by

Showers
Cleansing me
Fence post hanger

Then a sudden thunder or a motorcycle malfunction

Sky-light
Sparks of fire
First ride in spring

I love your poem except the heaven calls. Too many people write about those calls.
But if you write something simple about yourself, I wrote about a ride because for me spring is associated with three things green growth, rains and first rides.
One can imagine all kind of things happening on the first ride in season. It doesn't have to be dramatic but loud and smoking!
I am sure you would relate to this ending more.

IRiz

stanza was intended to show the end of the day, when lying on my back in the loft of the cabin and looking through the skylight and seeing meteors [sparks] and Heaven calls being the urge to know what is out there. Geezer.
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author comment

Ah! Thank you now I understand.
I was too tired yersterday. Great poem.
It makes perfect sense. Why I discarded the literal meaning of the word skylight I don't know.
I was too tired. It takes a lot of energy to be a good reader.

IRiz

I thought about your sunku, while I was reading this poem by Kobayashi Issa

beautiful -
through a hole in the paper door
the Milky Way

I hope you like it.

IRiz

pleased that you thought of my Sunku while reading Kobayashi Issa; and yes, I do like it! thank you.
~ Geezer.
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Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
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author comment

cheers,
Jess
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