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Fooled Again...
Fooled Again...
Warm breeze dances with cold winds
round and round they go.
Through the trees, wind whipped thin,
hear them sigh and sough.
Flutterbys and hummingbirds
sipping nectar brews,
carry smells and sexiness,
just like precious jewels.
May will gather her bouquet,
Kiss her brow, my favorite sun,
caress her skin with warmth, I say,
she'll love you when you're done.
It's just a fling, this Springtime thing,
remember what I say,
she'll just run off with Summer again,
on that perfect weather day.
It happens every year, it does.
She fools you every time.
I don't know why you fall for it.
but it makes for such good rhyme.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
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New York State - USA
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-04-14 18:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Fooled Again...", demonstrates a strong command of imagery and metaphor, effectively using natural elements to convey the transient nature of spring. The personification of the months and seasons adds a layer of depth to the poem, transforming it into a narrative of unrequited love.
However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The rhythm of the poem seems inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For instance, the second stanza has a different rhythm compared to the first and the last. It might be beneficial to revisit the syllable count and stress pattern in each line to create a more consistent rhythm throughout the poem.
The use of the word "Flutterbys" instead of "Butterflies" is intriguing. If this is an intentional choice to create a playful tone or unique imagery, it could be made more effective by introducing similar playful language elsewhere in the poem. If it's a typo, it should be corrected.
The last line, "but it makes for such good rhyme", breaks the fourth wall and acknowledges the act of writing poetry. This meta-commentary can be effective, but it might be more impactful if it's integrated more seamlessly into the poem. It could be rephrased or repositioned to maintain the immersive quality of the preceding narrative.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the theme. The metaphor of spring as a fleeting lover is engaging, but the poem could delve deeper into the implications of this metaphor. What does it say about the nature of love, or the passage of time? Exploring these questions could add another layer of depth to the poem.
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Geezer
Sun, 2024-04-14 23:29
The contest is...
titled "I Was an April Fool". I thought it appropriate to explore the idea that she fools me into thinking
that she is going to be a long-term relationship; while all the time she plans on leaving with that "Summer" guy;
kind of like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls the football out from under his foot every year. Nope, not a typo, a deliberate nod to my dead-ex-wife. I don't see the opportunity to use another fanciful word like flutterby, but, maybe later...
The rhythm is such, that when spoken this manner, it emphasizes the idea of the line, each time the subject changes.
I think that the passage of time is certainly addressed here; when I say the nature of love is that all is forgiven, until next year.
~ Geezer.
.
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author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2024-04-15 07:12
in the last verse, third line
in the last verse, third line: I think the line is missing the word (know).
Spring is flirtatious and fleeting. So do not "Fall" in love, lol. A very bad pun! my favorite verse is:
It's just a fling, this Springtime thing,
remember what I say,
she'll just run off with Summer again,
on that perfect weather day.
I like it best because it flows so well and I think it is the heart of the poem and it flows so well, it almost sings. good luck on the contest!
*love, Cat
*
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Geezer
Mon, 2024-04-15 14:28
Thank you for...
catching that missing word, Cat, I always look forward to your opinion on the best lines. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentLavender
Mon, 2024-04-15 11:58
Fooled Again...
Hello, Geezer,
Another clever, playful poem. The first two stanzas are especially lovely and poetic. I understand the fickle nature and theme, but I became a bit lost with who was speaking, and to whom, especially within the quotations. I will be back!
Thank you!
L
Geezer
Mon, 2024-04-15 14:26
Of course...
the author is the quoted one. Thank you for your read and comment. I tried taking out the quotation marks, but somehow, it just doesn't look right. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentLavender
Mon, 2024-04-15 16:02
Got it!
Hello, Geezer,
Was a bit lost, but understand now. I agree, the quotes add to the meaning.
Thank you!
L