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Seasonal Memories...
And the day drizzled into a storm,
one that rolled gently over the valley
Enveloping the streets below "The Hill"
making heavy breaths, moving slow.
Water, water everywhere...
More than enough to choke me,
too little to float a boat, swim in
or cleanse the soul of the city.
The river runs ice-free this year
no break-up and flooding,
"Canal walk" striding past
Blue Crocus and Pussy-willows
My "Little Brown Bombardiers"
[Sparrows to you],
Making haste to build nests,
forgotten hats, strands of yellow hair.
Gulls float by on cold, hard air
heralding a new storm
sailing up the Hudson Valley
Henry's ghosts bowling tonight.
Of course, I'm only there in memory
but, having been there once
I will never forget the beauty
of those days that were possible, and were...
Style / type:
Free verse
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New York State - USA
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-03-27 17:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Seasonal Memories" presents a vivid portrayal of a specific place and time, with a strong emphasis on the sensory details of the landscape. The use of imagery is effective in creating a sense of place, from the drizzling day that turns into a storm to the gulls floating by on cold, hard air.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphoric language. For instance, the line "Water, water everywhere..." is a clear allusion to Samuel Taylor Coleridge's "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but the subsequent lines do not maintain this level of metaphorical complexity.
The poem also uses quotation marks around certain phrases ("The Hill", "Canal walk", "Little Brown Bombardiers"). The intention behind this stylistic choice is unclear. If these are specific references, it might be helpful to provide more context to make the poem more accessible to readers who are unfamiliar with these terms.
The final stanza introduces a shift in perspective, revealing that the speaker is recalling these scenes from memory. This adds a layer of emotional depth to the poem, but it might be more effective if this element of memory and nostalgia were woven throughout the poem, rather than introduced at the end.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with different forms and structures could help to enhance the overall rhythm and musicality of the poem.
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Lavender
Wed, 2024-03-27 12:47
Seasonal Memories
Wow, how I love this. I love that it starts with "And". You and the reader are already there, adoring the scenery and the season. Such beautiful, poetic language - enveloping, cleanse the soul of the city, "Little Brown Bombardiers", heralding the storm...all from a memory having only been there once, but forever remembered. And then the reader goes on toward the unknown, so softly into what was and might have been. I just love this. I really enjoy your free verse poetry.
Thank you, Geezer!
L
Geezer
Wed, 2024-03-27 14:19
Thank you...
when I get responses like yours, I am pleased to no end. I don't have a photographic memory, but I take my scenes from the countless thousands of pictures and places in my mind, that lie broken and in piles, [my mind is a very untidy place] and often reconstruct them in the way I chose. I guess that is why my free verse poetry works. I take the same approach in choosing the words to represent the scene. I'll stick my hand in a pile of "sound alike or mean mostly the same things" and try to grab something that fits. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed, ~ Geez.
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author commentRoseBlack
Thu, 2024-03-28 22:03
Such a good memory
I really like the little brown bombardiers...such a great description and visual. Well done.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Fri, 2024-03-29 11:39
Thank you...
I'm glad that you enjoyed this one. Yes... my little brown bombardiers. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
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