Your youthful Spirit is portrayed in your dashing around this poem.
It would make a song, but needs a bit of work one of the best people to ask for help on this is Hooded Stranger he should be able to guide your ways, Yours Ian.T

Yes HS has a lot of commitments so I hope this is for pleasure and not for other reasons, Yours Ian.T

very nice and lovely .

You may try to eliminate too much of repetition,
as ''SUMMER SOLDIER.'',
since it tends to give an impression ,
of lack of words
Hope you do not mind .

I like the theme of the poem, but for me the first three lines of the first stanza don't fit, i think maybe it would tighteen things up if you said something like ' you said plagerism isn't a sin , i ran from your borrowed words, covering my ears.'

lou

I agree with lou that the 1st 3 lines need redoing to flow better. Not much at lyrics but here goes for last stanza :
Now I've gotten word, you see
you're never coming back to me
with your last breath you cried for me
when my soldier died for me................pretty bad huh?...........stan

I like the whole structure. It felt like an 18th century widow's song from Wales. I liked Stan's stab at an ending. The whole piece feels like it needs to be considerably longer with many more "lessons" taught. Don't be afraid to repeat your chorus a few times. Unlike Loved, I didn't see a problem with the repetition in the chorus as I felt it was rather the point. You've obtained a lot of good suggestions, so I don't expect mine to be of much import, but thought I'd toss it out anyway.
wesley