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There's A First For Everything

my body shook, bones literally rattled,
i had never heard such loud music before.
i leapt upstairs to come back for more
and lights flashed. a crowd of bodies writhed.
ava stopped me from dancing with too-drunk girl,
and my head spun. i couldn't remember
who had put the cotton balls in my ears
or when they got there
but i remembered them cheering when i sang karaoke.
i remembered hands on my hips
and smiling just to smile because
there were people like me, and lots of them.
and this "having fun" thing, for once
i got the hang of it.

Last few words: 
some thoughts
Editing stage: 

Comments

You really have captured in vivid flashes the whole multi-sensorial feel of the thing.

And the ending, perfect. It adds a poignant yet joyous pang of humanity to the work.

My only crit is "bones literally rattled". They didn't, they can't unless you are a skellington. Literally means in a strict sense, really; actually. It peeves me how Jamie Oliver continually abuses the word.

And you know what? I'm wrong. I double checked the dictionary before posting this and it is accepted usage to use literally as an intensifier without it meaning literally. Go figure. Don't you love English?

May I post this to Facebook? It deserves a wider audience.

I could not resist doing a reading.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/theres-a-first-for-everything

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Different people and different age groups have different ways of "letting go" and I thank you for reminding me of my younger years when attending a rock concert was one of mine lol. "a crowd of bodies writhed". One never knows exactly what a writer is trying to convey. If you're aiming at treating the crowd as a single organism you might try deleting "bodies" but that's just a thought. Like Jess, I like the end where you expressed such relief at finally being able to have some fun......stan

Esker hasn't been on this page.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I started with just"hi" and the program added the Esker and I didn't notice lol. To err is human, to really screw up requires computers ......stan

I started with just"hi" and the program added the Esker and I didn't notice lol. To err is human, to really screw up requires computers ......stan

Loved the picture and could nearly hear the noise from here.
I agree with Jess it is a good write.
The rattling of the bones I was OK with that as it is just a description of frantic movement as if shaking to the extreme.. I always recall the Bone Shaker that was the name of the early bicycles, and as the roads in those days had cobblestones, it would just shake the hell out of you,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

firstly, thanks for the attention. as to the English language, I do love it! and at times hate it, but don't we all? as for the use of "literally" I was trying to poetically convey how I could actually feel my calves jiggling, because, you know. "calves jiggling" would ruin the mood.

I am honored that you would post anything of mine to facebook jess, thank you. I will listen to your reading shortly after dinner.

thanks guys,

mag

author comment

This is a good, solid poem that is not only readable, but expresses itself in no uncertain terms! It has power, passion, and is worded with erudition! Nicely done!

Great descriptive capturing the essence of it all
I especially like the ending

thanks for sharing
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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