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Sister

This piece is a co-write with my good friend Ziggy. This is a poem/song written for Candlewith (Cat). It may not be apparent exactly why we wrote it in this way and the subject matter may not be appreciated by all, that said, I can safely say this is the most important piece I have ever been involved in and I thank Ziggy for helping to create this piece. From both Ziggy and myself...welcome back Sister.

Sister

A lady in pain waits on
the platform of her discomfort
A ticket to ride held lightly
with a heavy sigh tear in eye
The flame flickers, her hand
still cups the burning wick
that drips its essence slow
and hot ready or not

The engine to Death's Castle is not on time
The train to the Dark Tower isn't running today
The lone passenger waits with her bags packed
This excursion is cancelled
Her brothers send the engine back into the grey

The train to the Dark Tower is delayed again
The engine to Death's Castle isn't coming today
The passenger waits alone with luggage stacked
This journey can't begin
Her brothers send the train to the dark far away

Breath shallow thoughts drifting
a demise almost met still waiting
Anticipating the darkest hour
before the final dawn a beautiful
mind so willing flesh still weak
possibilities up in a heap

© 2010 hoodedstranger.com

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

hey dan it looks good. and cat I saw your comment on dans latest and its so great to have you back
you have being so missed big hug from ziggy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Hey, you were supposed to critique this poem and especially say the chorus was fantastic!!

Lol!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

hey hood I know how much this write means to you as it does me it was a pleasure
writting this with you , ill leave the critique to everybody else we have done the rest lol
chat soon my friend ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

I was only pulling your leg mate!

It looks good now it is posted on Neo.

We will await critique.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

China,

not everybody knows quite what she went through so it may not appeal to most, but obviously you do understand and I am pleased you appreciate this piece. Writing a tribute is difficult and open to the usual cliches...we hope this slightly off centre version shines through.

Didn't mean to make you cry, but I know I shed some tears whilst writing this as I am sure Ziggy did too. It was not an easy write and it was kept in a state of undress for sometime until we both had the strength to piece our ideas and words together.

Thank you for your comment and for once you won't find me complaining about a cancelled train!

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

You can thank Mr. Ziggy for that fantastic stanza. We got together and decided we wanted to do this co-write. I had this idea of a train station and the train being delayed, de-railed or something. Ziggy ran off with this idea and came back with two amazing stanza's which mirrored exactly what I had imagined...I then gave it a usual HS chorus to link the two stanza's together.

Just know Cat has been to Hell and back...but back she is.

Thanks for commenting,

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

I loved this poem when you first showed it to me , Cat is lucky to have such caring friends.

Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Lou,

thanks mate,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Hood and Ziggy you did a great job here and I also was taken back and happy the train kept rolling down the track and we have our Candlewitch back!! I await with baited breath to hear this on. You both did a fabulous job of it.

Blessings to you all
Love Mona

Mona,

thanks for reading and commenting...it is just great to have Cat back.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Upon second read I would love to come back and offer a better feedback when my mind is a little sharper then it is right now. Too tired and I like to read this one again before I add to it. If that is fine by you:) It will just be Magics touch or untouch. I shall leave that upon your hands. Be back tomorrow

Love to you and the family Hood and Zigs missing you too!!

Mona

didn't know you were back cat - so glad to see you xxxxx
so so glad the train was sent back
wonderful write dan and zigs

love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Judy,

thank you my friend.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

Dearest Dan and Ziggy,

You both seem to understand what I have gone through, so well as to have written this great and insightful piece. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it or how very much it has moved me. I choke up just trying to find the words to express my feelings. You remain my very dear friends, my dearest treasures. I love you both. Thanks for being good to Steve, it means much to me.

love, your sister
Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

CAT how are you , writing this was all dans idea, and just our way of expressing how much we have missed you here
never say thanks for this cat it's just a token having you back is more than enough, I have sent you a PM, seeing your
comment has really gave me a lift chat soon my friend zigs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Cat,

I agree with Zigs, you need not thank us, we did this as your friends and although probably our toughest write, we were just glad to be doing something positive for you.

I have become good friends with Steve over the last few months...he is one of the good guys and I can think of nobody better to look after you.

We have to thank Steve with this write too as he gave us the green light in the first instance to allow us to write for you, especially with the fact that, at the point of asking him, you were nowhere near a recovery and you were hanging on that fence...thankfully you fell over onto the green grassy side.

I am just glad you're back...and I see you have posted your first poem on new Neo...off to read that right now!

love always,

Brother Dan

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

What a pleasure to see you in print again! I have missed you.

Much Love,
Elizabeth

Having you here in the fold is a pleasure to me too.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment

in my own little private world as of late, I also was not aware of the return of Cat. I am totally amazed at this piece of work. You guys have really made a great poem, and I think you should be proud of what you did. i can't pick any favorite lines, but the total package is really great! Indeed, Cat is very lucky, both to have come back from her situation, and to have such wonderful friends. ~ Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
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Gee,

thanks for reading and commenting my friend...your comments are always welcome on my page.

Co-writes can be hit and miss, but I have to admit, this worked from our point of view. It had to capture a difficult moment and yet still appear to be written by one mind.

Glad you enjoyed it.

cheers,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

author comment
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