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pitter patter

rain falls so swiftly
landing wherever it may
a new dawn for all

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

first attempt at a haiku

author comment

Good Haiku for a first attempt......stan

I can't help thinking the last line could be stronger.

Just some ideas, and they're not very good, but see where it could give more? Every word counts in haiku

the land takes it all
the lands gratitude
people feel its life
a dawn for lifes gifts

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thank you weirdelf
I appreciate all the comments you left! The one on irish times was quite funny too haha. I will be checking out the unfinished works workshop! Ive got lots of unfinished ones and now have the time to get back into them. Thanks for the recommendations

Moved houses yesterday so my energy has not been in poetry. Ah, soon to change!

author comment
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