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pitter patter
rain falls so swiftly
landing wherever it may
a new dawn for all
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
bjucks
Thu, 2018-03-22 14:05
first attempt at a haiku
first attempt at a haiku
scribbler
Fri, 2018-03-23 22:08
Hi
Good Haiku for a first attempt......stan
weirdelf
Mon, 2018-04-16 11:51
A good first attempt
I can't help thinking the last line could be stronger.
Just some ideas, and they're not very good, but see where it could give more? Every word counts in haiku
the land takes it all
the lands gratitude
people feel its life
a dawn for lifes gifts
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
bjucks
Mon, 2018-04-16 12:34
Thank you weirdelf
Thank you weirdelf
I appreciate all the comments you left! The one on irish times was quite funny too haha. I will be checking out the unfinished works workshop! Ive got lots of unfinished ones and now have the time to get back into them. Thanks for the recommendations
Moved houses yesterday so my energy has not been in poetry. Ah, soon to change!