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Painting without color.

I once knew a writer
that wrote the way a painter
Who never used color would
With a green thumb for art
And a hunger for vibrant brushes

That were never washed
In fear that they may stain white
Like an untouched canvas
Sterile in the snow

Whose vivid shade of blue was felt
In every wistful stroke
Like a drizzling rain
Amid the spring
Lightly mourning in the mist

And the deepest flush of red
Stolen from the strawberry fields
Hinted in the mix
Light alight by the fiercest flame

That captured the sunlight’s gold
In delight
And made lemon trees look dull
In contrast

A moon against the darkest shadow
Rich and brilliant
against the forests’ green
And the envy

I was knew a painter
That never used color
Who created the loveliest rhymes
In season
Beneath the envious moon
With starry eyes
On starry nights
And never knew it was art

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem is still more of a rough draft but I'd like to hear any opinions on it to improve!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I was confused with the premise of the whole poem, it was in reading the last eight or so lines, I finally understood what you were saying! Your first lines bring about the confusion. I think that it should be more like: I once knew a writer who wrote the way a painter uses colors. Point in fact; you use the painter's passion for not washing his brushes, because he feared that they would lose their vibrancy and stain the canvas white! BTW. the first of the last eight lines should be: "I [once] knew a painter". Otherwise, an excellent poem and one I think could win the contest! ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I wasn't sure about the wording of the first few lines either, thanks for your input on it! I really appreciate any feedback on how to keep improving :)

author comment

I like and agree with Geez's thoughts, suggestions and critique. absolutely amazing. definitely a contender!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you, I wasn't sure about submitting it but thanks for reading and replying!

author comment

may u win
your maiden
CONTEST

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