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Something's missing.
Something’s missing, Something grand
Something worth more than a thousand lands
A misplaced gold lost to sand
Belonging to fretful, worn-out hands
A bit of sky
A bit of soul
A foolish lie
That had been sold
Something’s missing, something whole
Something to fill these empty bowls
Worth more than flame in winter’s cold
Belonging to one whose loss unknown
A smidge of grain
A taste of glee
Amid the rain
That one can’t see
Something’s missing, A piece of me
Something I did not know I need
A fate unmet that I must please
Belonging to a poem- I’ve yet to read
A child’s wish forgotten still
A god’s plead-ful mumble
The little bird at windowsills
That none can bare to humble
Something’s missing, I do not know
Something I’ve yet to meet
Perhaps one day, when I’m alone
It will dare to speak to me
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is my first time posting a poem on here, I really want to improve my writing so please give me any feedback that you think I could use! thanks :)
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2022-02-03 11:03
I'm liking...
the search for a poem or story that speaks to you especially! I read lots of poetry here on the site and I do find the occasional
piece that does speak to me personally. Of course, I do mostly write about every day, ordinary things that people encounter,
and I feel good about appealing to and finding subjects that others find appealing. I don't find anything that I would change,
A good piece of work! Welcome to Neopoet, it's good to see people really interested in improving their work and not just dumping poetry to get pats on the head. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2022-02-05 12:53
Good formatting.
Good formatting.
Great rhythm and cadence.
Very muchly enjoyed.
The one thing lacking is,,,,,, The next poem!
Obi.