Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Something's missing.

Something’s missing, Something grand
Something worth more than a thousand lands
A misplaced gold lost to sand
Belonging to fretful, worn-out hands

A bit of sky
A bit of soul
A foolish lie
That had been sold

Something’s missing, something whole
Something to fill these empty bowls
Worth more than flame in winter’s cold
Belonging to one whose loss unknown

A smidge of grain
A taste of glee
Amid the rain
That one can’t see

Something’s missing, A piece of me
Something I did not know I need
A fate unmet that I must please
Belonging to a poem- I’ve yet to read

A child’s wish forgotten still
A god’s plead-ful mumble
The little bird at windowsills
That none can bare to humble

Something’s missing, I do not know
Something I’ve yet to meet
Perhaps one day, when I’m alone
It will dare to speak to me

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is my first time posting a poem on here, I really want to improve my writing so please give me any feedback that you think I could use! thanks :)
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

the search for a poem or story that speaks to you especially! I read lots of poetry here on the site and I do find the occasional
piece that does speak to me personally. Of course, I do mostly write about every day, ordinary things that people encounter,
and I feel good about appealing to and finding subjects that others find appealing. I don't find anything that I would change,
A good piece of work! Welcome to Neopoet, it's good to see people really interested in improving their work and not just dumping poetry to get pats on the head. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Good formatting.
Great rhythm and cadence.

Very muchly enjoyed.

The one thing lacking is,,,,,, The next poem!

Obi.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.