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Growing up.
Grown up
Grown tired
Shrinking into someone
That fits into their shattered hearts
Learning
That not everyone learns
What they are taught
Forgetting
The things we used to teach
Falling apart
And into the perfect rhythm
Rising to a million suns
Falling beneath a single moon
Weeping to the sound
Of a laughter
Stolen from the depths of expired joy
Writing
A poem born in the midst of unpoetic days
Healing bruises
That none can see
Mourning
The grave your body has become
And the child buried inside
Loving quietly
Hating violently
Growing up
Feeling down
Shattering
To fit into
The shrunken hearts
That have become our own.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-03-10 07:44
hello poet,
in these lines:
Learning
That not everyone learns
What they are taught
"That not everyone learns" try (absorbs in stead of "learns") and drop "That" so that it reads:
Learning
not everyone absorbs
What they are taught
these are my favorite lines because they are incredibly true:
Mourning
The grave your body has become
And the child buried inside
I find "Time" has become my enemy. I think you feel this too.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Thepoetofnorwoo...
Fri, 2022-03-11 12:52
Thanks for your input on that
Thanks for your input on that line! I really do find that time has become the same for me.