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Oh wonderful sky

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Sat, 2023-11-25 11:18

Oh wonderful vastness,
Perfect sky.
Perspiration vessel,
Beauty that makes me cry.

Clouds so fluffy,
Pillows of joy,
Create artist’s landscape,
We visually enjoy.

And when I sit,
Taking time to wonder.
At the shapes,
In your vastness yonder.

I’m left so grateful,
For the sky you are.
Amazing and wonderful,
The greatest gift by far.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

November 2023 Challenge Write a Love Letter To The Sky

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-11-25 17:20

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Oh wonderful sky" captures the awe and appreciation for the beauty of the sky. The imagery of the clouds as "pillows of joy" and the sky as a "perspiration vessel" adds a unique perspective to the poem. The use of descriptive language helps to create a vivid picture of the sky and its impact on the speaker.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the rhyme scheme or adding more complex poetic devices to enhance the overall structure and depth of the poem. Currently, the poem follows a consistent AABB rhyme scheme, which can make the poem feel predictable and less engaging. Experimenting with different rhyme patterns or incorporating other poetic devices, such as metaphors or similes, could add more layers of meaning to the poem.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the emotions and personal connection to the sky. While the speaker expresses gratitude and wonder, delving deeper into the specific reasons behind these feelings could strengthen the emotional impact of the poem.

Overall, "

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Sat, 2023-11-25 19:42