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Night Garden

When the moon grows to a fullness
of tunnel's beckoning silver end
I move through many things I grow
to feel sweet feather kisses
of breathing darkness on my skin,

and down between tall rows of corn
and pungent onion scent I kneel
to reach beneath wide prickly leaves
and test with touch the ripeness of
the treasure of my summer squash.

Impatience winds into my heart
to pick and taste firm succulence
I feel unseen in darkness,
yet there is reluctance too,
in need of one more cool night,
just one

to feel again deep sacrement
of burgeoning life,
and sacred cool darkness
revealed as centered jewel
of secret evening garden.

Hieronymous got it right.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
http://www.wallcoo.net/paint/Hieronymus_Bosch/wallpapers/1024x768/Hieronymus_Bosch_Art_Picture_ml0002.html
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your secret garden of the night seems very lonely, unlike the action packed picture from Hieronymous.
Maybe you should think outside the box on this one as good as it is,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

LOL it's not lonely; the Lords and Ladies of the night gather round to enjoy my enjoyment.
I see what you mean about the painting - I just put it up because it's one of my favorites. In fact, I was listening to the Oz prog rock band Unitopia - who are most excellent - when I wrote this, and the last line is from their 22-minute song called "The Garden"!

Glad you enjoyed this one. Thanks Ian,

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

What can I say its fucking awesome to read you again, your poem conveyed a sense of the richness of the earth and a warm night trying to find a pocket of cool, I truly cant find anything to fault

The imagery is wonderful

bravo

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Its certainly good to be back, and writing poetry again. I couldn't stay away in the end, in spite of health and homeschooling and general insanity of life.

I must confess that I cheated just a tad on this one. I do in fact always stop at night when I get home from work (about 2AM) to see how my squash are coming along, this time of year, but it isn't really dark; my security lights come on automatically when I drive up, so there's enough light to see by, although I do largely test the squash with touch, since their leaves are massive, and the shadows they cast prevent me from seeing underneath.
What can I say? I live in the 21st century, where true darkness is increasingly rare!

Thank you for the "bravo", Jane. Expect to read me at your latest, soon.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I feel unseen in darkness, yet there
is reluctance too, in need of
one more cool night, just one

From here to the end i think you lose the rhythm and the enjambment of 'in need of' to maintain the meter is obtrusive, the next S also falters for similar reasons. You set up a strong metrical rhythm is the first 3 Ss and it needs to be maintained.
regards
Ross

I've missed your knowledge of poetry.
As usual, you have hit the proverbial nail on the head, and I have edited accordingly. Anyone interested, please read the latest revision, then the original, and you'll understand what Ross is refering too.
Thank you, my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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