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A little secret

There's something I must tell you
Don't worry about a lie because it's true
You know that smile I always wear?
It's not real because in my heart there's been a tear
Do you know that laugh I always use?
I use it because your words are abuse
You know my favorite sweater?
I don't use it for the weather
The scars that I hide?
They wash away with the tide
The pain that I feel?
It's nothing but real
Now that I've been sucked into the darkness
I'm no one someone will come to miss.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 


I really hope this is not describing your situation but just in case it is, find someone to talk to and walk away from the one who is hurting you. If he/she is a family member, tell them directly. Don't suffer in silence. If its just dark poetry and nothing else (I hope it is), then you've done pretty well.


I will agree with Raj and tell you I liked the poem. I don't much care for verso libre, but your poem still has an emotional punch to it.
I hope you take the time to explore the site for all the other programs running here:
Workshops, the contest and chat room to name only a few.
In the meantime I hope you also read the works by other poets and critique them. Because NeoPoet is a workshop environment we encourage everyone not to comment only, but to critique
Again welcome.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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There is a world out there to try your ways, there are also many people that you can lean on as you travel so.
There is never any reason to fear the ways of others, they will be heavy in their ways at some time later, never let them drag you down to their level.
We all have PM here and feel free to talk at any time and I think to anyone of us.
Keep strong in your Spirit young one and know that there are many that walk with you,
Yours as always, Ian

Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Nicely written. I like it a lot. Verbal abuse is more damaging than physical abuse but hard to discern at times. you captured the emotional pain well.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

in it's content

but i think it would be even more so if you tidied up the rhythm a tad

just for example, i don't think I change too much of your emphasis in the first four lines by suggesting something like
' There's something I must tell you.
It’s not a lie, it's painfully true.
You know that smile I always wear?
It is not real, in my heart there's a tear'

i think you need to either even up the lines a little, or edit this to be free form, in order to get the real effect.

i am more than happy to offer any suggestions

i really like the use of 'tear'. It could be 'tear' - to rend, but even though that is the proper rhyme of the previous verse 'wear', it could also be read as the near rhyme, 'tear' - the drop from the eye , and i immediately read it as both

great poem
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you all. It really means a lot because my life is really dark and painful at the moment.

Åłåńå Fłøręš

author comment

I send you light in the smile of a child that is happy.
That of a Mother who holds her child,
The love of the children I know.
Then your own love that is free to hold inside or to let out and share,
The children I know have unconditional love for all things and they share it always,
Yours Ian..
And that's without the bonds of religion.

Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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