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Everyone Lies

You say your there for me
but when I really open up to you , you just don't want to see
you act like you care
but when I have these thoughts and break downs I ring and your never there

you don't know what It's like, to want to die
take the rope, fuck life and hold on tight
when I tell you I want to die, it's no word of a lie
its all building up, I'm weak, I just want to surrender the fight

I can't sleep at night, can't sleep anymore
my constant pain, my constant heart sore
all the thoughts of death, I have and suicide
I tell you about them, why do you expect me to hide

I thought you were the one I could turn to when it got to much
well you could of fooled me, my feelings you don't want to touch
I will just stay away, I get it, crystal clear
but one day suicide will take over, then maybe you will realize my fear

its ok, I get it, its not happening to you
so it's not a big deal, get over it, let it pass through
here's the thing I have to say, now it's my turn to speak
never push, me to far
because one day I'll be weak
and found shot dead in a car
please don't push me to far

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 


I would prefer to talk about the poetry.
Can I be straight forward?
Good. I'll be gentle.
You mentioned you wanted to go far in the world of poetry. NeoPoet can help.
In all honesty I wasn't crazy about the structure of the poem. It was more like prose with line breaks. The random rhyme scheme helped, but for the most part the rhythm was helter skelter. Changes just here and there.
Are you at all interested in figuring out more structured poetry or do you prefer your style?
If you want help I'm offering it. If not, I'll still keep reading your poetry to see where it goes.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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This is deeply emotional and also organized very well. ((( Tylana )))

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