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Something that beats no more
It's always crushed and thrown to the floor
Salty tears swell the eyes
Indicating a terrible cry
No longer feeling love nor pain
Living my life in sorrow and vain
Always ending with a final goodbye
Love is something, that'll without fail, die

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
My life is filled with darkness. I am surrounded by the monsters that hide underneath our beds.
Editing stage: 


but get outside yourself and write about the world, other people, beauty, ugliness, the cosmos

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Good work but if you want to follow Jess's advice and still stay true with the's a suggestion-

Love without sacrifices
is a reckless lie
or a great selfishness,
mere words that fly
from the lips of man
who didn't know better
with a mind still green
still very immature


The young love deeply and also feel loss deeply. This is well expressed in your poem. I'll not fault the feelings contained in the last line of your poem but I've been with the love of my life since 1970 and we're still together. So don't despair there's somebody out there for you too. As to the poem's structure I'd suggest breaking this into 2 equal stanzas. It will not only more closely conform to traditional form but doing so gives a reader a pause to consider what has been said in the 1st 4 lines before moving on to the next 4..............stan

and one more. The title. Guess how many poems have that title?.... a lot

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I like that...its a postiive angry tinged line..
like roll your eyes line..with experience..
I myself at this age want to make it work;
and I spend a lot of time chasing other ideals
and pruinciples..
so Love usuall takes me over...
Love to me is handing all your money over
and everything else..
Maybe getting a hug..a kis..
for me anyway..
A lot of kicks and crule sayings
while everyone gets what they
When I interject its all my fault..
Depression is just the day to day

I write about a lot of random
abstract stuff

Love dies all the time
I set aside the healthy
choices..and Ive had them
come forward..
thats too scary..
I know the dark
the self secure exteem laden
love....whats that>

one day though..
we are not meant to
just not get out there
people change
Ive had healthier

but if your sensitive
and you really put a lot
or a great need for this
there are those that
will just muscle in and
take over to have you
all for themselves
and keep people in
that dom sub situation
whish is sad..

Tell you what to do
put you down
put words in your moujth
blame you for your thoughts
and kiss your ass in the
next moment..

I liike that you write
about your experience
or emote them in your

They are real
part of the precess of life
and our poets here are
old and young..
Me Im old

ha.gotta keep laughin
happiness has to come one day!

One again raw emotions expressed vividly in this short poem.


raj (sublime_ocean)

From Jess I suggest go deeper into your thoughts on how you feel about the world
a title change would do well

Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

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