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Literacy predicted days

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Tue, 2023-04-25 08:53

Orwell spoke of crazy times ahead
Words that warned of all the lies
Yet we chose to bow our heads instead
Falling for such wilful disguise

And he wrote about pigs and power
With their snouts deep in the troughs
Many slogans they did devour
During times of persistent coughs

For what purpose at that time?
Only time will help us know
Lies that were hidden by such crime
And yet the truth will likely show

Chomsky told of clever ways
Words used to gain our very mind
In narratives that timely sways
To control our ways, we might find

What have we lost, we must ask?
When we fall for this deception
Yet it is by their wilful task
Sees our turmoil by our reception

Attwell added to our awful woe
Fortelling a time of added fight
women rights don't you know
Being eroded, yes that's right

Weaponised for political gain
Mud slinging is their game
Yes it really is insane
Will life ever be the same?

And Attlee will turn in his grave
To see the destruction of his dream
A backward slide sees them enslave
The lives of the many, so it would seem

When the few hoard yet more wealth
Crushing the masses in their wake
In ways they do by stealth
It really is no cruel mistake

Huxley imagined a world so brave
When will our heads come out the sand?
To see the truth that will us save
To take back the goodness of our land.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Sociopolitical poem that shows how dystopian literature holds relevance to the here and now.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-04-25 08:53

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Literacy predicted days" explores the consequences of political deception and the power of language to control our thoughts and actions. The author references the works of Orwell, Chomsky, Attwell, and Huxley to illustrate how their warnings about political manipulation have come to fruition in our current society.

The poem's structure is free verse, which allows for a conversational tone that engages the reader. However, this structure also leads to some inconsistencies in the rhythm and pacing of the poem. Some lines feel too long or too short, which disrupts the flow of the poem.

One suggested line edit is to revise the line "What is lost we may but ask?" to "What have we lost, we must ask?" This edit provides a clearer and more concise phrasing that fits more smoothly with the rest of the poem.

Overall, "Literacy predicted days" is a thought-provoking poem that highlights the importance of critical thinking and the dangers of blind obedience. The use of literary references adds depth and nuance to the poem's message, though some improvements in structure could enhance its impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Tue, 2023-04-25 11:03

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Orwell's predictions and see some of them coming true.
You have done a good job, with making everyone aware of them.
I'm having a hard time with the word [wilful] in the last line of the first stanza.

maybe you could use a word like [inept]?

Falling for the inept disguise.

I think that you could use an extra word in the line:
"Many slogans did devour"
Try this; Many slogans [they] did devour

I think the word that you are looking for is [clever] not cleaver
in the line:
"Chomsky told of cleaver ways."

The stanza is kind of a hiccup in the piece, because the rhyme scheme is ruined
by the use of an ending line of "To control our very days."

How about using [Yes, it is by their skillful mask
We see turmoil in our reception?]

[In ways they do by [savage] stealth]?

[It is] really no cruel mistake?

Your title is good, [it drew me in].
Your language use is okay, but needed a little work, and the
logic of the piece is good. The ending stanza is good and brings a hope that we can improve our lot.
I enjoyed the reading of this piece and look forward to seeing you amking some improvements.

As always, my suggestions are just that and you may use them or any approximation of them to
adjust your work. ~ Geezer.
.

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